Thanks for the memory
Of Schubert’s Serenade
Little things of jade
And traffic jams
And anagrams
And bills we never paid…
(From ‘Thanks for the memory’. Lyrics by Leo Robin)
The first memorial most of us create to someone we have loved is a funeral service. This gives us an opportunity to share memories, as well as photos, and to talk about the person who has died. However, it can be difficult to plan this, often at short notice, so it does justice to the memory of a loved one in the time allowed. Some venues offer more flexible options, for example, longer services to accommodate your requirements.
Recent Covid-19 restrictions, that limit the number of mourners who can attend a funeral, have made it more challenging at some venues to plan the funeral or memorial service you wanted. Venues such as GreenAcres parks can incorporate live-streaming or recording of services so you can share them with many more people.
Of course, there are other ways – both traditional and less conventional – to remember your loved one and celebrate their life. You don’t need to involve a funeral director if you’re organising a memorial service after a burial or cremation, or to commemorate the life of the person you loved in the way you wish. This can normally be arranged directly with the venue.
While many people choose to arrange for a traditional, permanent memorial, such as a headstone or mausoleum, others choose to scatter their loved one’s ashes in a place the person enjoyed visiting, perhaps a special spot in the countryside or at sea.
Living memorials
With increasing awareness of our impact on the environment, living memorials such as planting a native tree offer a ‘greener’ way to commemorate a loved one, as well as providing habitats for a range of wildlife. Parks, such as GreenAcres, have a range of native trees selected by the Grounds Team that a family can choose from. Or you can plant a biodegradable urn that, along with the surrounding soil, nurtures a tree or wildflowers with your loved one’s ashes.
Woodland memorials
Within burial parks and woodland cemeteries, like GreenAcres, you have the option of creating a memorial that’s also a natural habitat for birds, bees, owls, butterflies or bats. And at GreenAcres Parks, you can choose to commemorate your loved one in beautiful surroundings, regardless of whether or not they have been laid to rest at one of our parks.
It’s traditional for graves in natural environments to be marked with a simple oak plaque, with an inscription of your choice. You can also place a memorial bench or other memorial in some burial parklands, along with an engraved plaque to your loved one.
Personal keepsakes
Personal keepsakes are designed to hold a small quantity of ashes. The wonderful thing about them is they can provide the opportunity for every member of the family to retain a treasured memory of their own should they so wish.
Keeping your loved one close
Some people achieve a feeling of having their loved one close to them by keeping some ashes in a cuddly toy. And there’s an increasingly popular trend, mixing ashes with body ink to create a permanent tattoo, to keep someone you love permanently close to your body. Ashes can also be incorporated into memorial jewellery or ornaments, a popular way of feeling near to someone you have lost.
Reaching for the skies
Families are increasingly looking for more original and personalised ways to remember someone, such as scattering their ashes during a tandem skydive, creating a vinyl record that contains compressed ashes, or saying goodbye via a professional memorial firework containing cremated ashes.
Burying ashes at home
Some people bury all or some of the ashes in their garden, although it’s worth considering what might happen if you move to a new home in the future, which might make it difficult to visit your loved one’s resting place.
Planning your own memorial
While it might seem strange to consider how you’d like to be remembered after your death, planning ahead can give you peace of mind. It can also help your family at a difficult time, by knowing they’re doing what you’d have wanted.
If you haven’t already thought about whether you’d want to be buried or cremated, and where you wish to be laid to rest, visiting a contemporary cemetery such as GreenAcres can help you to make some of those difficult decisions. You’re welcome to arrange a tour and talk things through with a member of the team.
GreenAcres parks provide a beautiful setting for your final resting place with many opportunities to represent the way you wish to be remembered for years to come.
And, unlike many other cemeteries, when you purchase a plot in any of the parks (whether for a Full Burial or an Ash Interment), you can choose the place you want to be buried from a variety of beautiful settings. You can also select the type of funeral or memorial service you want.
If you ever have to plan your own or a loved one’s funeral, one of the things you’ll need to think about is choosing the right songs. The music you choose doesn’t have to be sombre. While traditional funerals commemorate those who have passed with hymns and organ music, funeral songs can be light-hearted, humorous and even upbeat. The most important thing is that the music you choose reflects your loved one and gives mourners the chance to celebrate their life.
Choosing music can be a tricky task, so we’ve compiled a list of the most popular funeral songs to help ease some of the burden of arranging a funeral.
Most popular modern funeral songs
With funerals becoming more personalised and unique, it’s becoming increasingly popular to remember your loved one with modern music. Here are some of the most popular contemporary songs you might want to consider.
- Fleetwood Mac – Songbird
- Candle In The Wind – Elton John
- Somewhere Over The Rainbow – Eva Cassidy
- Angels – Robbie Williams
- You Raise Me Up – Westlife
- Flying Without Wings – Westlife
- Angel – Sarah McLachlan
- Supermarket Flowers – Ed Sheeran
- I’ll Be Missing You – Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
- Tears In Heaven – Eric Clapton
- Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Midler
- Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd
Most popular hymns
Hymns are a particularly popular choice for religious funerals. As they’re familiar to most of us, hymns bring mourners together and provide comfort as they say their goodbyes. These are the most well-known for you to consider.
- Jerusalem
- Amazing Grace
- Abide With Me
- The Old Rugged Cross
- All Things Bright and Beautiful
- My Lord’s My Shepherd
- How Great Art Thou
- Lord of All Hopefulness
- Morning Has Broken
- Here I Am Lord
Most popular classical funeral songs
Classical music is moving and emotional, making it one of the most popular choices for funerals. Some pieces are haunting and dramatic, while others are more uplifting, setting the scene for a timeless and respectful funeral service. Here are some of the most popular classical songs.
- Lacrimosa from Requiem – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
- Pie Jesu – Fauré
- Air on a G String – Bach
- Nimrod from Enigma Variations – Elgar
- Adagio – Albinoni
- The Four Seasons – Vivaldi
- Ave Maria – Schubert
- Canon in D – Paachelbel
- Andrea Bocelli – Time To Say Goodbye
- The Lark Ascending – Vaughan Williams
Most popular sports music
Playing a song, anthem or theme tune associated with your loved one’s favourite sport or team is a touching way to pay tribute to them. Each team has its own tune, but here are some of the most widely known.
- You’ll Never Walk Alone (Liverpool FC anthem) – Gerry and the Pacemakers
- Match of the Day Theme Song
- The Chain (Formula 1 theme song) – Fleetwood Mac
- The Best (Rangers FC) – Tina Turner
- Going Home (Newcastle United) – Mark Knopfler
Uplifting funeral songs
Sad and sombre funeral songs don’t suit everyone. If your loved one had a wicked sense of humour or you want to lighten the mood with an upbeat tune, these songs are the perfect way to celebrate someone who loved life and maintained their spirit until the very end.
- My Way – Frank Sinatra
- The Best – Tina Turner
- (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life – Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes
- Heroes – David Bowie
- Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Monty Python
- Bring Me Sunshine – Morecambe and Wise
- What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
- We’ll Meet Again – Vera Lynn
- Don’t Worry. Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin
- I’m Gonna Live Till I Die – Frank Sinatra
If you’re pre-planning your funeral or dealing with the loss of a loved one and need some support, we’re here for you. For more information about pre-planning or to join us at one of our remembrance events or monthly Bereavement Groups, please visit our website.
Christmas is a holiday synonymous with joy, togetherness and celebration. But amidst the twinkling lights and festive cheer, the festive season can amplify the ache of no longer having loved ones around. After a loss, you may feel guilty about celebrating Christmas with surviving friends and family. While these emotions are unlikely to fade away in the run-up to Christmas, it’s important that you find a path that honours your grief and allows you to embrace moments of joy.
We recognise that grief is different for everyone, so this blog will guide you through the mixed emotions you may feel throughout the Christmas season.
Should I celebrate Christmas?
Deciding whether to celebrate Christmas after a loved one dies is a deeply personal choice based on your emotions and individual circumstances. Some find comfort in upholding traditions, using them to honour and cherish the memories of loved ones who are no longer around. Others may choose to bypass the celebrations to try and come to terms with their loss through quiet reflection.
There’s no right or wrong answer. Choosing whether to celebrate Christmas or not is all about honouring your feelings and respecting the journey you are on with your grief, regardless of what other people may think.
How to navigate Christmas after someone dies
After the loss of a loved one, Christmas Day is likely to look and feel very different from your usual celebration. That’s not to say you can’t enjoy the day, but pre-empting the difficult moments will help you be more prepared. Here are some tips on how you can guide yourself through the festive season:
Share your plans with loved ones
Your friends and family are bound to be concerned about you spending time alone, so it’s a good idea to inform them about your Christmas plans in advance. The thought of being around a large group of people may be too overwhelming for you as you work through your grief. That’s completely normal, but letting your loved ones know ahead of time will help ease their concerns and allow them to offer support in a way that respects your needs.
Similarly, if you want to join in with the celebrations, inform your friends and family so they can include you in their plans. They’ll be more than happy to have you there, even if you can only manage an hour or two in company.
Embrace new traditions
If you find yourself feeling indifferent, resentful or apathetic towards your festive traditions, you might want to celebrate Christmas slightly differently. Traditions you once shared with the person you lost can trigger feelings of sadness and grief, making it feel like the festive period is something you need to get through instead of enjoying. If so, introducing new traditions and festivities may help you move through your grief.
Alternatively, you may find comfort in keeping the same traditions. Don’t feel guilty about doing the things that bring you joy throughout the festive season. If you feel up to it, put up your decorations, bake your favourite Christmas treats and watch your beloved festive films. No one will think any differently of you for finding happiness in the things that bring you comfort.
Leave a seat at the table for your loved one
After the death of a loved one, you may be faced with an empty chair at the dinner table. Instead of seeing a vacant space, try to focus on what the chair represents. Your loved one may no longer be around, but their seat at the table symbolises love, memories and the special moments you shared when they were alive. You may also want to light a candle or put a picture of your loved one in front of their seat to bring them into your Christmas celebration.
As you gather with your family and friends this Christmas, raise a glass to your loved one. They’ll be with you in spirit.
Try something new
Some of our families take comfort from trying something completely different at Christmas. If you don’t feel up to celebrating the festivities in your usual way, you could take the opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted – like going on holiday or spending a few days away from home.
Don’t be afraid of the tears
When Christmas arrives, you may shed a tear or two. It’s natural to bottle up your feelings in fear of putting a dampener on celebrations, but tears are never a negative thing. Crying is healthy and completely normal, especially at Christmas. Your loved ones will understand and will be there to put their supportive arm around your shoulder.
Find comfort at our Christmas Remembrance Service
Come and join us at your local Park on the 10th of December for our annual Christmas Remembrance Service. Featuring carols and readings, our Christmas Service is a lovely way to come together with friends and family to remember those no longer with us. Join us afterwards and have a Cuppa for Cruse. In aid of their work that strives for everyone grieving to get the support they need, when they need it.
If you have a loved one who’s grieving and needs support this Christmas, read our blog for advice on what to say and do.
Have you ever wondered what a day in the life of a Celebrant holds? Across our GreenAcres Parks we have the privilege of working alongside these special people who guide families through celebrating the lives of their loved ones. Becky Lee from Daisy Chain Celebrant Services shares her story with us…
“In 2014 my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour, but a full recovery was expected…”
After caring for her during her rehabilitation, the devastating news came that she had less than three months to live.
My lovely mum faced her mortality with bravery and died in January 2015. The light at the end of this dark tunnel was I was expecting a baby. I would be following a new path in life, one of motherhood. But, as it turns out, through her death, she also left me the legacy to help other families, and become a dedicated Celebrant.
Traditional and unique ceremonies
Following the initial training I found a lot of my previous career carried over – I worked for twenty years in television production, mostly in documentaries, producing and directing. Often in the subject matter of natural disasters – I went storm chasing for tornados, up volcanoes and to hurricane hit towns. This meant I was interviewing people at the worst time of their lives when they had lost everything. It certainly gave a sobering perspective of life.
I try to be the calm after the storm of losing someone you love and draw on that past experience. I interview families with kindness and compassion, writing the final script of a person’s life and creating the picture of their being.
I am there to work out logistics so on the day of a service everything runs as smoothly as possible for the family. Of course, being empathic and patient with the bereaved comes with the job – but also working to a schedule, keeping up with changes and making sure everything comes together on the day is paramount – there’s only one chance to deliver.
As a civil Celebrant I can slide the scale between a traditional funeral ceremony or completely unique. Many services have no religious content, but I can also include prayers, blessings and hymns – it’s whatever the family wishes – it’s their service, not mine. I can guide, advise and make suggestions but ultimately, I create a bespoke service that they approve before the day.
People often ask if it’s depressing working within the funeral profession – in fact, it’s the opposite – I appreciate life and the little things. Each week, each day brings new challenges and it’s good to work with so many other dedicated professionals in the bereavement sector working to support families.
Being independent means, I work with many different Funeral Directors and at many locations – people often come to me first now to ask for advice on where to go and who to use when someone dies. It’s an evolving profession with many people like myself trying to break down the taboo of talking about death.
Offering different options
There are so many options nowadays and there’s nothing wrong with research to think about wishes for a funeral – of course to also budget. As the old saying goes, ‘bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better.’
There’s the location, the coffin, the transport, the music, readings, photo slideshows… some of my services are very traditional and formal, some are themed for example as a flight for an air-steward, or newspaper reports for a journalist. The coffin doesn’t have to arrive in a hearse – it can be on a motorbike sidecar or a truck!
Flowers don’t have to be a ‘wreath’ – single flowers can make up the tribute on the day – or even vegetables for the allotment lover. I’ve poured a pint of lager to place on the coffin and also had a remembrance table of objects to take us through a service. And music? Anything goes… don’t think in terms of ‘funeral music’ – think in terms of reflecting a life – from musicals to Metallica – from the Archers to F1. Anything is acceptable.
And of course, you can take into account the eco-credentials of a funeral as well nowadays. Biodegradable coffins from cardboard or willow for example and natural burial spaces such as the beautiful grounds offered by GreenAcres.
Each funeral is different
I now live in Twickenham with my young daughter and have been a self-employed full time Celebrant for nearly seven years, having written and officiated hundreds of funeral services – there’s not much I haven’t been asked and situations have been wide and varied – each funeral is different just as we as humans are each different. Death will come to us all and so being prepared; is the best legacy you can leave.
Thank you to Becky for giving us an insight into her world. If you would like more information on her Celebrant services, please visit her website.
For more details on funeral planning please visit our website blogs.
Even though we don’t often think about our death and what happens afterwards, more and more people are planning how and where they’d like to be remembered. If you’re thinking about planning your own funeral or want to find out more about the benefits of doing so, we’ve pulled together this handy blog on why pre-planning your funeral is a good thing to do.
1. You’ll be able to save yourself and your family money
Funerals – whether unexpected or not – are often a considerable expense to families. By pre-planning, you can relieve your loved ones from the burden of footing the bill during an already-difficult time. Plus, by thinking about things before the time comes, you can pay off your funeral over a longer period, allowing you to spread the cost into more manageable chunks. You also won’t need to worry about inflation making your funeral more expensive.
Some Funeral Directors offer payment plans that you can benefit from, so it’s well worth having a chat with yours (if you decide to use one) before you put down a deposit. You can find out more about funerals plans here.
2. You can have your funeral exactly as you want it
Your loved ones will no doubt honour you as best as they can, but unless you’ve spoken to them about your wishes beforehand, they might have some ideas of their own. By pre-planning your service, you can have it exactly as you want it. Whether you have a particular theme in mind or want your guests to wear a certain colour, you can set out what you want before the funeral, giving yourself the send-off you deserve.
3. You’ll have time to make important decisions
Pre-planning your funeral means you can slow down and take some time to think about what you actually want. When loved ones are left to plan a funeral, the finer details are often overlooked due to it being a highly emotional time. Some people also struggle to know what to do under pressure.
Instead of hasty decision-making, you’ll have the opportunity to shop around, find companies that meet your values and plan your funeral at a pace that suits you.
4. You’ll save your loved ones from unnecessary stress
Planning a funeral isn’t easy – especially during the early stages of grief. By getting your affairs in order before you die, you can ease your family’s stress by taking away the burden of funeral planning. You may also take some comfort in knowing everything is taken care of before the time comes.
5. You can relieve your loved ones of making complex decisions
If you’re religious, have spiritual beliefs or want a particular kind of service, pre-planning means you can take care of the trickier elements of funeral planning. It’s not uncommon for friends and family members to make mistakes when they’re grieving. Choosing what you want and how you want it removes the risk of oversights, giving you peace of mind that your wishes are taken care of.
To find out more about pre-planning your funeral, such as what to think about, take a look at our step-by-step pre-planning guide. If you’d like to plan ahead, pre-purchased plots can now be acquired with a GreenAcres instalment plan. Simply secure the space you want at today’s prices and pay it back over 10 months with no added interest. For more information, please speak to a member of the team at your local Park.
For many, Mother’s Day represents a day of celebrations. But if you’ve lost your mum or mother-figure, or you are a mother who has lost a child, it can be a day filled with grief and sadness. Even the simplest things can remind us of the loved ones we’ve lost, which is why it’s important to take care of yourself as Mother’s Day approaches. We’ve collected together some advice to help you cope with this difficult time while you’re grieving for a lost loved one.
Don’t feel pressured
Families often make plans to celebrate Mother’s Day. However, you don’t need to feel pressured to join in with them. Family and friends may invite you along to stop you from feeling left out, but they will understand if you don’t feel up to it. It’s OK to say no and it’s OK not to be OK. Instead, do things that you feel are right for you – like being close to nature and having a walk, watching a film or listening to music that brings you happy memories or distracting yourself with your favourite hobbies.
Write down how you’re feeling
If you struggle to articulate how you feel, you could write your feelings down in a letter or card. Grief isn’t always an easy thing to make sense of, but giving yourself a chance to think about how you feel can help you cope with your grief – particularly when it’s more heightened around Mother’s Day.
Share your loved ones memory
Sharing memories of your loved one with family and friends is a wonderful way to honour them on Mother’s Day. You could get together over a cup of tea or start an online chat if you don’t feel up to seeing people. If you’ve turned your mum’s social media accounts into an online memorial, you can share tributes on there, too. There are also many online communities that bring comfort by sharing supportive messages on grief and loss, like Grief Speaks Out.
Hold a memorial service
You may take solace from holding a memorial service for your loved one on Mother’s Day. The service doesn’t have to be anything big. Simply lighting a candle or planting a beautiful plant are great ways to remember that special person.
Get support at our monthly GreenAcres Bereavement Groups
When you lose someone you love meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. We offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss.
Often it is difficult to walk through the door to somewhere new especially when you are grieving. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake. For more information, click here.
Join us for our Mother’s Day event
Please join us at your local Park on the 19th of March between 11am-12pm as we come together to celebrate the special people we’ve lost. Spend precious time together as a family to honour and remember the things you loved about your loved one in a peaceful, quiet and reflective setting.
We also invite you to join us afterwards and have a Cuppa for Cruse in aid of their work that strives for everyone grieving to get the support they need, when they need it.