Supporting someone grieving at Christmas

Christmas is a time of joy, celebration and spending time with loved ones. But for those dealing with a loss, it’s a time tinged with sadness. Christmas can bring grief to the forefront, serving as a painful reminder of the people who are no longer with us. Even if the death occurred many years ago, it’s important to understand how to support someone through their grief at Christmas so that they know they have someone to lean on should they need a friendly ear.

This blog will give you advice on what to say and what to do to help those who struggle with their grief at Christmas.

Don’t avoid speaking about Christmas

It’s natural to avoid speaking about Christmas if you don’t know how to approach the subject. But this can make the person who’s grieving feel more alone. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge that it will be a difficult time and that you’re always there for the person if they need support.

If you plan to send a Christmas card, write a message from the heart. Name the person who died and share a memory to help ease the pain. You may even raise a smile.

Reach out

While you’ve undoubtedly got a million things to think about before Christmas day, set aside some time to reach out to your friend or relative. A simple text or phone call can go a long way in making them feel less isolated when everyone around them is busy gearing up for the big day. Ask them how they’re feeling and allow them to speak about their loss if they feel up to it.

Try not to leave it too long in between texts. It’s easy to read a message and forget about it, intending to reply when you’re less busy. But keep the conversation going as long as your friend or family member needs.

Listen without interrupting

Those dealing with grief often find it hard to open up during the Christmas period. When everyone else is having fun going to Christmas parties and listening to festive music, they keep feelings bottled up to avoid bringing the mood down. Unfortunately, this ends up leaving their grief feeling far worse.

It’s important to offer your friend or relative the opportunity to get their emotions out. Allow the person grieving to speak about their feelings by creating a safe space for them to open up as honestly as they want to. Don’t interrupt, make comparisons or offer unwarranted advice. Simply make a cup of tea, provide the mince pies and lend a tentative ear.

Extend an invitation but support their choice

Christmas can be a lonely time for those suffering a loss. While your friend or family member may not be up for the festivities this year, extend an invitation so they know they’re welcome. It may be that they’d rather be on their own, but they’re bound to appreciate the thoughtful gesture, nonetheless. Likewise, if they choose to decline, respect their decision and try again the following year.

Christmas often loses its shine after a loss – at least in the immediate aftermath. Many people prefer to treat the 25^th of December like any other day while they try to cope with their grief.

Offer help

If your friend or relative chooses to celebrate Christmas, offer to help them wrap gifts, prepare food or pick up last-minute stocking fillers. When people struggle, they tend to carry on regardless. The offer of help could be the thing they need to get through the festive period intact. Even if they don’t take you up on it, it’s a kind and thoughtful thing to do.

Keep the conversation going after Christmas

Grief is ongoing. Even when Christmas is over and done with, your friend or relative still has to deal with the tidal wave of emotions as time goes on. Remember to keep checking in on them beyond Christmas. It’s true that the festive period can be the most painful time, but grief is far from linear. They will appreciate your love and support, regardless of the season.

If you’re suffering from grief this Christmas or you know someone who is, you’re welcome to join us on 11 and 15 December at your local GreenAcres Park for our Christmas Remembrance Service. Whether this is your first Christmas without this special person or the time of year that makes the memories that little bit harder, our Christmas Remembrance Service can be a lovely way to spend time reflecting.

It may also help to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our GreenAcres Bereavement Support Groups, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.