A eulogy is one of the most powerful moments of a funeral service, offering family and friends the opportunity to share treasured memories and celebrate the life of someone deeply loved.

Whatever form the funeral takes, from a religious burial to a Celebration of Life, delivering the eulogy can feel overwhelming. It means capturing a lifetime of memories in just a few words, while navigating the emotions that come with saying goodbye.

Writing a eulogy is about capturing the essence of a loved one and speaking from the heart. Translating those potent feelings into words is not always the easiest task.

With that in mind, here is a brief guide to writing a eulogy, from a step-by-step writing process to delivery advice and advice for making it special.

What Is A Eulogy?

A eulogy is a short speech that honours someone’s life, helping to bring comfort and connection to the family, friends and loved ones who held them dear.

There are many different types of eulogies, which range from short biographies to deeply personal and heartfelt accounts of particularly strong memories of a loved one. There is no singular approach you have to take when delivering a eulogy.

Some eulogies can be given whilst someone is alive (usually during a milestone birthday or when retiring), whilst other eulogies are written by the person themselves to be read after they pass away.

When they are given often depends on religious traditions, the format of a service and personal preference. They tend to be part of a Celebration of Life, whilst their place in more religious ceremonies tends to be at a person’s final resting place before the wake.

How Do You Write A Eulogy?

There is no singular approach to writing a eulogy, and the only true advice is to speak from the heart, but here is a step-by-step process to get started.

Step 1: Gather Together Memories, Anecdotes And Stories

If you are delivering a eulogy, take some time to think about all the moments that immediately come to mind with your loved one. A eulogy is about sharing these beautiful memories.

Think about moments you shared together, funny moments, favourite songs, catchphrases or quotable notables they would frequently bring up, or simply what they meant to you.

Ask friends and family for contributions too. Unfortunately, you may only be able to use a few of them in your eulogy, but it creates a rich tapestry for their life.

Step 2: Choose A Simple Structure

There are plenty of eulogy structures, but choose what feels simple and natural to you. A eulogy’s brevity means that the simplest approach is correct:

  • Introduce what they meant to you.
  • Work through two or three major stories, milestones in their life or aspects of their character.
  • Share a favourite quote, lyric or line from a poem.
  • Close with a thank you and a farewell.

Finding the right words can be tricky, but by keeping it simple, you can focus on writing what you want to say.

Step 3: Find Your Voice

A eulogy can be as formal or informal as feels right for you. You may choose simple, everyday language or a more traditional style, but the most important point to bear in mind is that your words feel genuine and reflect your relationship with the person you are remembering.

It can help to begin by writing from the heart, then read your words aloud to hear how they sound when spoken.

Step 4: Keep It Short But Heartfelt

Your funeral director can offer guidance on how much time you will have to deliver the eulogy. Many last between five and ten minutes, although the right length will depend on the service and what you would like to share.

Shorter speeches are also easier to say, particularly if you need to pause to gather your emotions.

Step 5: Practice Speaking It

Say it out loud, not just to help you remember it for the day but to identify parts of the speech that work on the page but do not work when speaking it.

Print out a copy so you can refer to it if you are caught up in the moment, and ask someone to help you deliver the speech if you can’t find the words anymore.

Top Tips For Writing And Presenting A Eulogy

  • Find A Peaceful Place To Write – Create a comfortable space to gather your thoughts, put some relaxing music on and let yourself feel what you need to feel.
  • Leave Negativity In The Past – A eulogy is not a forum to get the last word on personal grievances, so leave anything offensive, upsetting or inappropriate at the door.
  • Speak Slowly – Take deep breaths and make the effort to keep your speech fairly slow so everyone can follow.
  • Plan For Your Emotions – Make sure to have water with you to help clear your throat, have notes to read and allow yourself to pause if you’re struggling to speak. Everyone will be emotional, and there is no shame in sharing it.
  • Keep It Light But Tender –  The tone should fit how the person was in life, which means there is room for jokes and moments of lightness even during a sad occasion.
  • Be Personal Rather Than Perfect – People want to hear your thoughts and feelings, not an immaculately presented speech.
  • Add A Line From Their Favourite Song – Lyrics, poems, quotes, lines from books or anything that speaks to who they are as a person are all welcome.
  • Know When To Say No – If you really do not feel comfortable delivering a eulogy, there is no shame and no guilt in stepping aside.