Grief is extremely complex and difficult, and engaging with loss whilst being honest about how you feel can be especially painful.

One of the biggest questions that people reeling from the loss of a loved one ask is: Why?

Whether a search for answers or an expression of a deep-rooted anguish, we often hunt for meaning in grief, which alongside a Funeral Ceremony and suitable final resting place, can provide comfort through some degree of understanding.

If you are currently trying to find meaning amidst loss, here are five questions to ask yourself, and how you can begin to go about answering them.

Do I Need To Find Answers In Order To Find Meaning?

We are often looking for a reason why unfathomable events happen, and that is entirely understandable; answers provide security, and a lack of them can often leave us feeling unsettled.

One of the unspoken tragedies of loss is not only unfinished stories but also unanswered questions.

Ultimately, whilst it certainly can help, you do not need a complete account of your loved one to ensure that their memory has meaning. Stick to what you know about your loved one and try to avoid rumination and conjecture. 

Focus on what you know about your loved one and their wishes, and try to avoid making assumptions or dwelling on uncertainties

Remembering who they were, what they did, and the values that they held can be vital in order to find meaning following their loss, and living your life shaped by the morals and interests that they held so dear can provide clarity following a Funeral Ceremony.

Where Do You Feel Most Emotionally Safe?

There are often a lot of difficult decisions to take and arrangements to make following the loss of a loved one, and this can understandably leave people struggling to process their grief.

This is why emotional safety is one of the most important first steps of any grieving process; you need somewhere in which you can feel comfortable and safe navigating these emotions.

An emotionally safe space can be a physical location, like your home, a room, a park or a beautiful vista that you find comfort in.

A safe space is a place where we can lay the roots of healing. They are somewhere we can go to contemplate, to feel comforted and to start building ourselves up without worrying that it could collapse.

It is the base camp for any search for meaning, progression or processing, and not only helps ensure that any step forward is not followed by a step back, but also provides a place where your mind can properly rest.

What Would You Like To Say To Your Loved One?

We often have words we want to say to those we have lost that we do not get the chance. Whether it is something as simple as having one last chance to let them know what they meant to you or finding the words to express something more complicated.

Find a place for your questions and feelings to be expressed, whether that’s speaking them aloud, sharing them at your loved one’s graveside with flowers, or writing them in a journal.

 Bringing your questions and feelings into the open can help you explore them at your own pace, rather than feeling caught in a cycle of rumination.

How Would You Want Your Loved One To Be Remembered?

One unspoken part of grief is that it turns the people who loved them into curators of their legacy. The best place to start is simply to ask yourself what you want that legacy to be beyond that they were a good person who was deeply adored.

What aspects of their character, personality or life would you want to take with you? If they were an avid dog lover, would you want to adopt a dog to continue their memory? 

Would you want to start a charity in their honour? Would you want to help them achieve the dreams they were close to accomplishing?

A Celebration of Life is often preferred precisely because the ultimate goal is to determine your loved one’s legacy, especially if they lived a particularly colourful life.

What Are Your Biggest Fears About Moving Forward?

The final question to ask is one that can be difficult to answer whilst your grief is particularly raw, but it is perhaps the most important way to shape what comes next is to understand the natural fears and anxieties about keeping in place.

For example, the reason why concepts such as “closure” and “moving on” are unhelpful at times is that they imply letting go of thoughts, feelings and memories associated with your loved one, something you do not have to do in order to continue living.

For others, there is a fear that they will never be happy again or a guilt about doing so, and confronting these fears is the first step towards finding meaning and acceptance. 

In time, the goal is not to stop grieving, but to learn how to live alongside your loss while making space for hope, joy and purpose once again.