Gone are the days when funerals meant mourners wore dark colours, sang hymns and were led by a religious official in a place of worship. Today, funerals are becoming a more personal affair, with the deceased having a much bigger say in what they want to happen at their funeral before they die.  

Tradition isn’t for everyone. Whether you’re planning your own funeral or organising a ceremony for someone you love, here are some ways you can make it more personal to reflect the life that was lived.  

Ask mourners to wear bright colours 

One of the most common ways to personalise a funeral is to ask mourners to wear bright colours. Bright colours are typically seen as a celebration of life, bringing comfort to those who are mourning and feeling anxious about the ceremony. 

According to a study by YouGov in 2016, only 22% of people see black funeral attire as a requirement at funerals, with a further 29% believing any colour is acceptable. You may want to specify a specific shade – perhaps your loved one’s favourite colour. Or you could even suggest that mourners wear the colours of the football team your loved one supported in life. Sometimes ‘anything but black’ is enough of a steer to help people decide what to wear.  

One of our Park Managers shared this heart-warming story with us about one of the funerals held in their Park: 

“One that sticks out for me at Chiltern is a lady who had a service and burial. She was super flamboyant and extremely colourful in all aspects of her life – from how she dressed to the colour of her hair. All the guests were dressed in many different colours. Her daughter also wanted to do something special and found a beautiful multi-coloured horse and carriage to take her mum to her final resting place. It was such a beautiful service, and it was an honour to help the family.” 

Choose a unique coffin  

You can make a coffin as unique as you’d like it to be. From bright colours and bespoke themes to prints and sporting crests, there’s no end to the options available to you.  

There are picture coffins to consider, too. These are coffins adorned with a particular picture that takes inspiration from the deceased’s favourite places, hobbies, or sports. You can even have their favourite photograph printed onto the coffin, serving as a celebration of their life long after they’re gone.  

Create a unique floral display 

Celebrate your loved one’s passions by creating a unique floral display. You could create an open book floral arrangement as a tribute to a bookworm, or have the flowers arranged as an instrument to celebrate a musician. If your loved one was a keen gardener, why not include their favourite flowers and plants from their own garden?  

No idea is too difficult for the right florist. Talk to a local funeral florist about your ideas, and they’ll find a way to bring them to life.  

Have a civil ceremony led by a celebrant or humanist 

Funerals led by a celebrant or humanist are now very popular. Humanist ceremonies tend to be non-religious, which is one of the main reasons why people choose to have one. Civil celebrants tailor the service entirely to the deceased’s wishes, allowing them to have as much or as little religious content as they like. Both types of ceremony can be spiritual and are fully flexible to represent the life you or your loved one lived.  

Use alternative transport to a hearse 

A traditional hearse is most widely used to carry a coffin to a funeral, but there are several companies in the UK – like Morton’s Funeral Hire , TCribb and Bennetts Funeral Directors – that specialise in transforming unique modes of transport into hearses with enough space to hold a coffin. Instead of a classic hearse, you could choose a: 

• VW Campervan 
• Classic Mini 
• Rolls Royce 
• Morris Minor 
• Austin 6CWT Van 
• Jaguar 
• Military vehicle 
• Vintage lorry
• Motorcycle 

You could even choose a traditional horse-drawn glass hearse, giving your loved one the magical send-off they deserve. Speak to your local funeral director to discuss your requirements in detail and see what’s possible.

Add personal finishing touches 

Here are some finishing touches you might want to consider to make a funeral more personal:  

• Create a photo wall with a selection of photographs of your loved one 
• Leave a memory book for mourners to sign with their favourite memories  
• Hand out seeds to mourners that they can plant in their garden as a living tribute
• Personalise the music by picking your loved one’s favourite songs 

You could also decorate the Service Hall with things special to your loved one – like this family did at one of our Parks: 

“We had a burial service for a lady in her 90s who was well known in Grayshott village for cycling around on her tricycle and being very active in the area. She was also a great quilter, and her family brought all her quilts and bunting which we used to decorate the hall. Her famous tricycle also played a part! Her service was a wonderful celebration of her life and the family were very pleased that it was so personal and special.” 

If you’d like to arrange a more personal funeral for yourself or a loved one, speak to a friendly and knowledgeable member of the GreenAcres team and we’ll do everything we can to accommodate your wishes.  

Getting through Christmas after a bereavement is difficult enough without having to cope with New Year celebrations, too. While most of us look forward a fresh start with excitement about what’s to come, those suffering from grief are often left reflecting on happier times.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or daunted about the prospect of a new year without the person you lost, we’ve got advice on how to cope. Read on for more.

Give yourself some time to rest

Whether you celebrated Christmas or decided to give the festivities a miss, the build-up is still a chaotic time. Coupled with the exhaustion of grief, it’s more important than ever that you give yourself enough time to recover – both mentally and physically.

That doesn’t mean you have to slow down or stop what you’re doing altogether – you just need to take some time to rebuild. Eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, enjoy some light exercise and, most importantly, try not to pack your social calendar with too many activities. That way, you’re not putting yourself under too much pressure to get back to some kind of normality before you’re ready.

Reach out to friends and family

It’s not always easy to talk to friends and family about grief, but sharing memories about your loved one can help bring a sense of closure. Talking to those that knew the deceased can also make the loss feel slightly less overwhelming. Ignoring your grief will only worsen the pain, causing you to go into the new year with an uphill battle to climb.

This New Year, you might like to swap the celebrations for a night in sharing fond memories with your loved ones. And if you’re feeling up to it, why not raise a toast to the person who passed?

Attend a support group

When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. Our Bereavement Groups offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team, along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is free for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park – just turn up at an event that suits you.

We’re hosting plenty of other grief events over the next year, too, so feel free to get involved as often as you like.

Be brave and try something new

Bereavement is a difficult process to go through, but dealing with a loss also brings new beginnings. If you’re feeling brave, why not use this opportunity to try something you’ve never done before? You could take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to do, or join a community – like a book club or walking group. Many of our Bereavement Group attendees say that while building new connections is scary, meeting like-minded people can be a positive experience.

Live one day at a time

Instead of looking too far into the new year, take each day as it comes. We’re all guilty of putting too much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, make plans and chase self-improvement on January 1^st. But when coping with grief, this only adds to the suffering.

This year, ditch the New Year’s resolutions and switch your focus to self-care. You could pick up a good book, indulge in your favourite hobby or complete a new skincare routine. If you do want to make a couple of resolutions, however, make them achievable and don’t worry if you need to abandon them later on down the line.

Don’t feel guilty about saying no

As you go into a new year, keep reminding yourself it’s okay to say no. If you’re invited out but don’t feel like going, you don’t need to feel guilty for turning the invite down. Instead, it’s important that you take life at a pace you’re comfortable with, which may involve spending some time on your own to grieve.

Try meditation

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed at any point during the new year, why not try some easy 5-minute meditation techniques? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t meditated before – just use your instincts to guide you. These steps will help get you started:

1. Place some cushions on the floor and lie on your back. Close your eyes and start breathing in and out slowly, becoming attuned to your body.
2. As soon as you’re ready, imagine you’re rising above yourself and looking down.
3. Pay close attention to everything you’re feeling at that moment. Allow the thoughts and feelings to progress, even if they don’t make sense.
4. Then, centre your thoughts back to your breathing. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. Keep taking deep breaths in and out. Stay like this for a few minutes – or longer, if you need it.
5. When you’re ready, imagine yourself returning to your body and slowly open your eyes. Give yourself a few seconds to adjust before attempting to get up.

At GreenAcres, you’re never alone. You can find a range of helpful blog posts to guide you through your grief over on our website.

You’ll also find a wealth of resources over on The Grief Channel. The Grief Channel is dedicated to normalizing conversations around grief, death and dying. Grief can be incredibly tough, but is a natural part of life and can be transformative, instead of being something to be feared and locked away. Their mission is to share knowledge and stories that people can relate to, and to provide solace and support.

Listening to other people’s experiences can be a real comfort, too – particularly if you’re struggling to focus. Cruse Bereavement Group has put together a list of podcasts to help with grief and loss. It covers everything, from insightful interviews to funny discussions with comedians.

Children deal with loss in many different ways. Particularly since the death of Her Majesty the Queen and the start of the war in Ukraine, children of all ages have been asking more questions about bereavement and what happens after someone dies.

Though it’s natural to worry about saying the wrong thing, speaking to children about their thoughts and feelings after the passing of a loved one is an important thing to do. After all, they’re just as affected by death as we are. Plus, children’s imaginations run wild, causing unwarranted stress and fear.

You may not know where to begin – and that’s okay. This blog will help you navigate the process and show you how to talk to children about grief.

Be honest about what has happened

The first – and arguably most important – step is to explain what happened honestly and clearly. Use plain language the children can understand. For example, it’s better to say, ‘someone has died’ rather than ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’. The latter will only confuse them.

Depending on the children’s age, creating stories to help them relate to the situation may help. During this time, let them ask as many questions as they need. It’s important that you answer truthfully, but try not to overburden them with information. Giving short, to-the-point answers will help them process what’s happened.

Remember, the conversation about death is an ongoing one. Try to be as willing as possible to answer questions when they have them. Children ask questions at the most random times, but accommodate them as best you can.

Offer reassurance

After experiencing a death, children often worry about their friends and family dying. While you can’t make promises about the future, you can reassure them that they’re loved and will always have someone to care for them should the worst happen.

It’s best not to go into too much detail about this. As we’ve mentioned, children’s imaginations often get the better of them, so be careful not to put scary ideas into their heads. Instead, shower the children with love and affection and spend time doing fun things with them – like painting and baking – to take their minds off their worries.

Don’t hide your feelings

Children are incredibly observant and will pick up on your feelings, even if you’re careful not to show them. Instead of hiding that you’re sad, let them see your emotions. That way, they’ll feel like they can openly share theirs without feeling suppressed. They’ll also develop a healthy relationship with death moving forward.

Give your child space to play

While talking about death is good for a child’s development, it can be an intense and upsetting experience. Children need their own space to partake in normal activities – either alone or with friends. Grief affects children differently, so don’t be alarmed if yours act like nothing’s happened. Your child’s grieving, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

Help them express their grief

Not all children like to talk about their feelings. Some find drawing or writing about how they feel more cathartic. If your child is finding it hard to talk about death, encourage them to express their grief creatively instead.

They might want to write a poem or letter to the person who’s died. Or they may prefer to paint or draw a tribute to a loved one. Creating a memory box can also help children express grief. Fill it with pictures, letters, stories and anything that reminds them of the person who’s passed away.

Worry Monsters can also help. These soft plushie toys are designed to help children express their worries. Ask your child to write a note or draw a picture of their worry and place it into the monster’s mouth. When they’re asleep, remove the note and in the morning, your child will notice that the monster’s eaten their worries. This should enable them to manage intrusive thoughts about death.

          

Let them get involved with the funeral

There are no set rules about children attending funerals. It’s up to each family to decide what’s best. However, if your child expresses a wish to go to the funeral or memorial service, you might want to consider letting them.

Funerals signify finality, which can help your child process the loss. Younger children may not understand what’s happening, but older children may take comfort from saying their goodbyes surrounded by their friends and family.

Remember, you’re not alone  

You never have to do any of this alone. At GreenAcres, we’re here to offer you all the support you need. Join us at one of our monthly Bereavement Groups or remembrance events to meet others who can relate to how you feel over a cup of tea and slice of cake. We promise you a warm welcome and friendly ear whenever you need it.

Hope Again is another excellent resource where young people can learn how to cope with grief and feel less alone. There’s lots of useful information, including personal stories, grieving guides and help for parents and guardians. Similarly, Child Bereavement UK offers an abundance of resources to help parents, guardians and carers support bereaved children and young people.

You can also head over to our blog for more resources on how to deal with loss – including what to do with ashes and what to do to a person’s social media account when they die.

 

Christmas is a time of joy, celebration and spending time with loved ones. But for those dealing with a loss, it’s a time tinged with sadness. Christmas can bring grief to the forefront, serving as a painful reminder of the people who are no longer with us. Even if the death occurred many years ago, it’s important to understand how to support someone through their grief at Christmas so that they know they have someone to lean on should they need a friendly ear.

This blog will give you advice on what to say and what to do to help those who struggle with their grief at Christmas.

Don’t avoid speaking about Christmas

It’s natural to avoid speaking about Christmas if you don’t know how to approach the subject. But this can make the person who’s grieving feel more alone. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge that it will be a difficult time and that you’re always there for the person if they need support.

If you plan to send a Christmas card, write a message from the heart. Name the person who died and share a memory to help ease the pain. You may even raise a smile.

Reach out

While you’ve undoubtedly got a million things to think about before Christmas day, set aside some time to reach out to your friend or relative. A simple text or phone call can go a long way in making them feel less isolated when everyone around them is busy gearing up for the big day. Ask them how they’re feeling and allow them to speak about their loss if they feel up to it.

Try not to leave it too long in between texts. It’s easy to read a message and forget about it, intending to reply when you’re less busy. But keep the conversation going as long as your friend or family member needs.

Listen without interrupting

Those dealing with grief often find it hard to open up during the Christmas period. When everyone else is having fun going to Christmas parties and listening to festive music, they keep feelings bottled up to avoid bringing the mood down. Unfortunately, this ends up leaving their grief feeling far worse.

It’s important to offer your friend or relative the opportunity to get their emotions out. Allow the person grieving to speak about their feelings by creating a safe space for them to open up as honestly as they want to. Don’t interrupt, make comparisons or offer unwarranted advice. Simply make a cup of tea, provide the mince pies and lend a tentative ear.

Extend an invitation but support their choice

Christmas can be a lonely time for those suffering a loss. While your friend or family member may not be up for the festivities this year, extend an invitation so they know they’re welcome. It may be that they’d rather be on their own, but they’re bound to appreciate the thoughtful gesture, nonetheless. Likewise, if they choose to decline, respect their decision and try again the following year.

Christmas often loses its shine after a loss – at least in the immediate aftermath. Many people prefer to treat the 25^th of December like any other day while they try to cope with their grief.

Offer help

If your friend or relative chooses to celebrate Christmas, offer to help them wrap gifts, prepare food or pick up last-minute stocking fillers. When people struggle, they tend to carry on regardless. The offer of help could be the thing they need to get through the festive period intact. Even if they don’t take you up on it, it’s a kind and thoughtful thing to do.

Keep the conversation going after Christmas

Grief is ongoing. Even when Christmas is over and done with, your friend or relative still has to deal with the tidal wave of emotions as time goes on. Remember to keep checking in on them beyond Christmas. It’s true that the festive period can be the most painful time, but grief is far from linear. They will appreciate your love and support, regardless of the season.

If you’re suffering from grief this Christmas or you know someone who is, you’re welcome to join us on 11 and 15 December at your local GreenAcres Park for our Christmas Remembrance Service. Whether this is your first Christmas without this special person or the time of year that makes the memories that little bit harder, our Christmas Remembrance Service can be a lovely way to spend time reflecting.

It may also help to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our GreenAcres Bereavement Support Groups, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.

It has been a very special and busy tree planting season for GreenAcres teams! From October 2021 to March 2022, Parks across the UK have taken part in The Queen’s Green Canopy (QGC). This unique tree planting initiative marks Her Majesty’s Platinum Jubilee in 2022. It encourages people across the United Kingdom to “Plant a Tree for the Jubilee.”

The Parks have been proud to be part of creating a legacy in honour of The Queen’s leadership of the Nation, which will benefit future generations. They invited some wonderful people to plant trees from all walks of life, who shared their thoughts on what being involved in the project meant to them.

Rainford Park in Merseyside was joined in November 2021 by Lord Derby, well-known across the Liverpool area as the owner of the beautiful Knowsley Hall and Knowsley Safari.

He shared his thoughts on planting the tree at GreenAcres: “Trees are absolutely vital for our survival. Without them we would literally have no oxygen to breathe, and humanity would die. So planting trees is a fabulous legacy for this Jubilee project. Her Majesty has been like a magnificent oak tree – solid, dependable, always there acting with integrity, and has a real interest in everybody she meets”

February 2022 saw Kemnal Park in Kent welcoming local Reverend Trevor Wyatt, Chairperson of Bexley Interfaith Forum: “I believe that The Queen has been the most exemplary example of Christian service to our nation and to the wider world. She has been a figure of unity for the UK and has been able to bring people together, from across all faith traditions and none, particularly when we have faced challenging times. Planting this tree is a tangible sign of our support for Her Majesty and all she has done. It is also a sign of our commitment to act for the good of the environment and the future of our planet.”

The remaining four Parks planted their trees in March 2022. Perhaps the most moving occasion was with Sir Trevor Phillips as he joined the team to plant a tree at Epping Forest Park in Essex, the final resting place of his eldest daughter, and holds a very special place in the hearts of his family. Sir Trevor poignantly commented, “This particular location carries three separate meanings for me. First, the human race faces two great challenges: how we live with our planet and live with each other. Of course, the central mission at GreenAcres is to preserve and enhance the natural environment, and the Queen’s Green Canopy will be a huge contribution to that mission.

Second, the tree honours Her Majesty and her decades of service. Particularly her role in reminding us that we are one nation with all our diversity.

And third, this is the final home of my elder daughter and will probably be my own. Preserving our species is not just a matter of keeping our physical beings alive. It is, even more importantly, an act of memory that holds the human story alive and a marker that will encourage those who come after us to tell our stories for ages to come.”

Heatherley Wood Park in Hampshire had a fun time with the House Captains from local Grayshott CE Primary School. The House Captains enjoyed a lot the tree planting. Also, showed off some of the skills learnt from their school’s gardening and allotment club.

There was a distinctly royal feel at Colney Park in Norfolk and Chiltern Park in Buckinghamshire, which was both lucky enough to have one of The Queen’s representatives for their counties to plant the trees.

Carol Bundock, Deputy Lieutenant of Norfolk, commented on the environmental legacy of the Queen’s Green Canopy. She said, “It is a wonderful way of celebrating the Platinum Jubilee. What better place to plant a tree than here at GreenAcres Colney. A place of peace and tranquillity, with nature all around. I’ve conducted many services here as a Celebrant, and I think it totally fitting that another tree is added to the existing green canopy.”

Countess Elizabeth Howe, Lord-Lieutenant of Buckinghamshire shared her thoughts on the service The Queen had given the UK:

“She has given dedicated service to this country, the Commonwealth and the world for 70 years. Not only is she the longest reigning monarch in our history but she leaves an extraordinary legacy. She has the deepest affection and utmost respect for all, whose lives she has touched.”

The Parks will remember the people and the stories behind the planting of these special trees for years to come. And they will be there for future generations to enjoy as they grow and flourish. You can visit the new areas created at any time during Park open hours. Look out for the beautiful Queen’s Green Canopy commemorative plaques in Welsh slate marking them!

When a loved one dies, there are many things to think about – like notifying friends and family, arranging the funeral and deciding what to do with the deceased’s ashes. However, one thing that’s less commonly considered is what happens to a person’s social media account when they die.

We understand that dealing with someone else’s social accounts can be overwhelming. It’s also unlikely to be at the top of your agenda. So this blog will explain your options and guide you through the process in simple steps. 

What happens to social media accounts after a death? 

After someone close to you dies, there are three main options available to you. Before you decide, check to see if your loved one left any specific instructions about what to do with their social media accounts. Otherwise, you can take action in one of these three ways:  

Delete their social media accounts

If you’re worried about your loved one’s accounts being hacked or don’t want people to be able to interact with them, you can delete them. Doing so will permanently remove photos, videos and information stored about them on social media.  

Deactivation is permanent, so be sure to save anything you want to keep before you proceed. It’s also wise to talk to family and friends before you do anything. They will need time to raise concerns, come to terms with your decision, or save any content they wish to keep.  

To close someone’s account , you’ll need:  

• Their full name 
• A link to the profile 
• Proof of their death, such as a death certificate 
• Evidence of your relationship to the deceased 

You may also be asked for further proof, but each social media platform will advise you of what they require to carry out an account deactivation before they begin the process. 

Turn their social media accounts into an online memorial 

For some, deleting a loved one’s social media accounts feels too final. Instead of removing their digital presence, you may prefer to turn their accounts into an online memorial for friends and family to remember them by.  

Doing this keeps their photos and videos intact. But it changes how the accounts work by preventing people from interacting with them. A memorialised profile also makes it clear to visitors that the person behind the profile has passed away. 

You may find that turning their accounts into an online memorial is a good way to help you and other friends and family grieve – at least in the immediate aftermath of a loved one’s death. You can always delete the accounts later on if leaving them online becomes too painful. 

You’ll need to bear in mind that the leading social media providers, including Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, handle memorial pages differently, and not all offer the option to memorialise them. Look at their help pages for in-depth help and information. 

Here are some helpful links to point you in the right direction: 

Contact Facebook and fill out the request to memorialise form.  

Contact Instagram to request to memorialise a deceased person’s account.  

Leave their social media as it is 

You don’t have to delete or memorialise your loved one’s social media accounts if you don’t want to. Instead, you can leave them as they are. Some people find comfort from interacting with the account and seeing it pop up on the feed every now and then.  

However, this isn’t for everyone. By leaving the accounts alone, automated features – such as birthday notifications and memories – will appear on their connected friends’ feeds. This can be upsetting to see, especially if the notifications appear unexpectedly or without warning. 

You may want to make people aware of the passing by tagging the deceased in a social media post. That way, friends and followers can hide the account if it’s too painful for them to see it.  

Get support with Life Ledger 

You don’t have to deal with any of this alone. Life Ledger’s free, easy-to-use service helps simplify the death notification process by contacting all businesses (including social media) connected to the deceased. You can keep track of the progress and upload any required documents from a single place, saving you hours of time and removing the need to have the same difficult conversations over and over.  

If you need support, contact our friendly and knowledgeable team for help and guidance through this tough time.