Creating A New Normal After The Loss Of A Loved One

Losing a loved one is challenging for many reasons.  The grief that follows a loss is deeply personal, and everyone experiences it in their own way. Often, when someone passes away, there are practical decisions and arrangements to make in the days and weeks that follow. 

Organising a funeral and dealing with the practicalities of losing someone you love can give you a focus during the early weeks and months of a loss.

However, once the funeral has passed, you may begin to consider how life might look as you move forward while continuing to hold your loved one close in your heart. 

This can be particularly hard to do when it is your partner who has passed away, because they will have been part of your daily life in a way that no one else is or was. 

 There is no right or wrong way to navigate life after loss. What works for one person may not work for you. What we’re going to share here are some suggestions of steps you can take to help you create a new routine. 

 Take what feels meaningful and supportive for you. Try different activities or approaches, but if they don’t fit in your life, it’s okay to set them aside and try something else. We all grieve in different ways, which means we also all rebuild our lives in different ways.

1. Celebrate your loved one’s life

There are two elements to this. One is the funeral or memorial service you plan. This is an opportunity to publicly share your grief with others, which many people find helpful. 

But once that day has passed, you can still create moments in your day-to-day routine where you honour and celebrate your loved one. 

This might involve visiting a place you both loved to spend time together and allowing space for the memories and emotions that arise. Or it could be taking a regular walk in the Memorial Burial Park where your loved one has been laid to rest. 

 Having a special place where you feel connected to your loved one can offer comfort and continuity. This is a safe, calm space where you can express your emotions freely and feel connected to the person who has passed. 

2. Set yourself a goal

When we lose someone we love, we can feel as though we have lost control of our lives. In some cases, it can also knock our confidence in our ability to do certain activities. All of this is very normal when you are grieving someone.

One way to start to  rediscover a sense of confidence and stability is to set yourself a goal. This needs to be a goal that will stretch you a little, but that is still achievable within a reasonable time period. 

Each goal you achieve will help to rebuild your confidence and remind you of your own strength, which is important when you feel as though a lot of change has happened outside of your control.

You can choose to focus on any area of your life, whether that is picking up a new hobby, learning a new skill, doing exercise or travelling to a particular place. 

When you are deciding what you would like to focus on, it can be helpful to explore your values and think about what brings meaning to your life. 

3.  Reflect on your daily routine

Before you begin creating a new routine, it can be helpful to examine what you currently do each day or week. 

If you feel able to, write down what your routine looked like before your loss. Then look at which areas will change from necessity and which you could choose to change. This in itself can help you feel more in control of your situation. 

When you are creating a new routine, prioritise your needs each day. This often means allowing yourself more time than you would usually for activities as you may need to slow down while you’re navigating your grief. 

Consider what needs to happen each day and set any tasks that don’t fall into that category to one side. 

4. Make space for self-care

 Grief calls for patience, kindness and compassion towards yourself. You need to allow yourself to grieve and understand that this means you may not always be in a position to stick to a rigid routine. 

Many people find it valuable to incorporate self-care practices into their new routines. These can range from attending a regular yoga class to meditating for five or ten minutes each day. 

There are various meditations for grief available online, so if this is an activity you would like to try, take some time to find one that works for you. 

Research has found that regularly meditating can reduce feelings of depression and anxiety. While these studies are not specifically focused on people who are grieving, they highlight the power meditation can have to improve our mental health. 

Mindfulness can also be helpful as it brings your focus into the present and what you have in the here and now, which can help you see the beauty in the world around you even when you are grieving the loss of someone you love. 

5. Create moments for social connection

When you are grieving, it is understandable if you feel that you want to be alone. However, if you isolate yourself from your friends and family over the long-term, it can make dealing with your grief more challenging. 

It is very common to feel lonely after losing a loved one, especially if they were your partner who provided companionship. 

As you consider what your new normal might look like, build in moments for social connection with those you love and care about.

This could look like organising to go for a coffee or a walk in nature with one friend each week, or even joining a support group to help you through your grief and introduce you to other people who are in similar situations. 

You may want to try volunteering to meet new people and engage with a cause you care about. The key is to find a form of social connection that serves you and to build that into your routine so it doesn’t fall by the wayside.