Father’s Day is supposed to be day of celebration, but for children who have lost their dad or father figure, it’s a painful reminder of their absence. While others are making cards and planning special moments, grieving children may feel isolated, confused or even overwhelmed by emotions they don’t yet know how to process – even if it’s been several years since their dad died.
As caregivers, educators and supporters, it’s important that we create enough space this Father’s Day for children to process and express their feelings. This blog explores ways in which you can offer meaningful support and help grieving children feel seen and heard during a difficult time.
Recognising the signs of grief in children
Grief doesn’t always look the same in children as it does in adults. Some become quiet or withdrawn, while others act out or become angry. Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite or sudden emotional outbursts can all be signs of suppressed grief. Other signs of grief in children include:
- Experience extreme emotions, such as crying one moment and playing the next
- Refusing to talk about their feelings
- Wanting to get into an adult’s bed
- Displaying regressive behaviours, like bed-wetting or thumb sucking
- Having nightmares
Being aware of these signals can help you respond with empathy rather than discipline or dismissal.
How to support grieving children on Father’s Day
Finding ways to navigate grief doesn’t have to mean ignoring or forgetting about the person who died. This is especially true of someone as important as a beloved father. Your children might take comfort from doing something their dad loved – such as listening to his favourite album, baking his favourite cake or watching his favourite film.
Father’s Day is also the perfect opportunity to spend some time doing an activity their dad enjoyed. Every dad is different, but this could be golfing, walking along the beach or going to the cinema.
Create a safe space for expression
Encouraging children to talk about their feelings without pressure is essential. This could mean setting aside quiet time to reflect on precious memories, asking them to draw how they’re feeling or simply being present and ready to listen whenever they want to talk. Some children may not have the words to say, “I’m sad” or “I miss him,”. Non-verbal expression therefore sometimes feels safer, especially for younger children who may not have the words to articulate complex emotions. Some examples include:
- Drawing a picture of a special memory they have of their dad
- Using colours to represent how they’re feeling inside
- Playing with toys to act out feelings or scenarios
- Writing a letter to their dad, read our blog on writing letters to a loved one
- Building something with blocks or clay to represent a memory or feeling
- Music or dance, where they move in ways that reflect their mood
These creative outlets help children process grief, which can be especially helpful for younger kids who don’t quite understand death or those who struggle to talk about loss.
Find ways to honour Dad
Helping your children find ways to remember and celebrate their dad can bring a lot of comfort – especially on Father’s Day. Simple ideas include creating a memory box, lighting a candle, planting something in Dad’s honour or sharing stories and happy memories as a family. This experience helps children maintain a connection to their dad in a way that feels comforting instead of overwhelmingly sad and upsetting.
Talk about Dad
When someone as important as a father passes away, it’s natural for children to avoid talking about him. The pain is often too overwhelming. But gently encouraging them to share memories or speak about their dad can help keep his presence and spirit alive. These conversations, even when they lead to tough questions about his death, are an important part of the healing process. By talking openly about loss, we help children understand that grief is a natural process and that remembering their dad as he lived, not just as someone who died, is a meaningful way to keep his memory close to them.
Write a Father’s Day card
Some schools and nurseries hold card-making activities in the run-up to Father’s Day. This can be a tough experience for children who have just lost their dad, but it can also be a lovely way for them to honour them. The card can form part of a memory box – or you can even place it next to a lit candle as a way to remember him on the day. You could also place it on the fridge via a magnet to raise a smile whenever you go about your normal routine.
Join us
Many children and young adults find comfort and guidance from people they already know and trust. However, if your child needs additional support around the topic of death, Child Bereavement UK has several resources that can help them cope and understand, including short animated films, books and resources, helplines and even face-to-face support.
On Sunday June 15th, join us in your local Park for our annual Father’s Day Event, where you’ll have the opportunity to remember and reflect in the beauty of our nature-rich surroundings. Everyone is welcome!
As we approach Father’s Day, we are reminded of loved ones who are no longer with us. Whether you’ve lost a child or a significant father figure in your life, Father’s Day is a time to cherish those memories we hold dear. Sadly, it can also be a day tinged with grief and sadness, where even the smallest things serve as reminders of those who are no longer with us.
If you’re attempting to come to terms with a loss this Father’s Day or want to try and work through some complicated thoughts and feelings, you might find writing a letter helps with the grieving process. Writing a letter isn’t easy, so we’ve got some tips and advice on how to approach it, along with some ideas on things you might want to include.
Find a quiet, comfortable space
Before you put pen to paper, you’ll benefit from finding a quiet, comfortable spot to write in where you won’t be distracted or interrupted. To help with the writing process, you might want to change into your comfiest clothes, brew yourself a cup of tea and throw on a blanket to keep you warm – anything that makes you feel relaxed.
You might also want to place a photo of your father or father figure nearby to help remind yourself of why you’re writing the letter. Have some tissues to hand, too, as letter writing can be an emotional experience.
Grab a notebook and a nice pen or pencil
You could craft your letter using your laptop, computer, or smartphone, but you’ll find using a nice pen or pencil and a notebook creates a much more personal experience and helps you connect more closely to the words. Gel or ballpoint pens are designed to glide across the paper, producing a smooth and pleasant writing experience.
What to write in your letter
Your letter is your opportunity to reflect on precious memories and keep your loved one’s spirit alive. It’s also your chance to say goodbye. The best advice we have is to let the words come naturally. Try not to force your thoughts or overthink the content. It might take you a while to get started, but once you do, you might find the words come easier than you think.
Here are some things you might want to include:
- Special memories
- Things you wish you’d said to your loved one when they were still alive
- Things you miss about them and how much you miss them
- Events or occasions that have happened since their passing
- Updates in your life that you want to share with them
- What you’ll remember about them
- How they touched your life
- How you feel about their death in the moment of writing
Say goodbye
If it feels right, remember to include a goodbye at the end of the letter. This won’t be easy, but it may help to give you closure. Saying goodbye can also be cathartic, giving you space to start moving on with your life.
Your goodbye doesn’t need to be definitive. Your message could be something as simple as “I’ll see you soon” or “Until we meet again”. Dr. Suess famously wrote, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Many people take comfort from this sentiment – perhaps you will, too.
What to do to the letter afterwards
Once you’ve written your letter, you’ll need to decide what to do with it. You might want to put it in a special memory box related to your loved one. Or you could seal it in an envelope and keep it somewhere safe. If you’re writing the letter before the funeral, you may want to speak to your funeral director about leaving it with your loved one. They’ll be more than happy to accommodate your wishes as best they can.
Whatever you decide, make sure you do what feels right. Your instincts will guide you if you don’t have the answer straight away.
Join us
In honour of your father or father figure’s enduring presence in our lives, we welcome you to join us for our special Father’s Day event, where you will have the opportunity to remember and reflect, light a candle and tie a memorial heart on our remembrance tree.
Everyone is welcome! Find your nearest Father’s Day Remembrance event here.
Father’s Day is a time to celebrate dads and everything they mean to us. But if you’re suffering from the loss of a father or father figure, it can be an incredibly tough experience to go through.
For many people, a father or father figure may represent strength, stability, security and support. Maybe they were a great source of humour, joy or wisdom – a mentor and role model. The flip side of a father’s aura of strength and dependability means it might be hard to get close to him in an emotional sense. But whatever the nature of your relationship, a father figure is likely to have a huge impact on your life, shaping your choices and informing your character.
So, when a father dies, the hole that leaves in our lives can hollow us out and leave us feeling an enormous range of emotions. For some, that can vary from deep sadness to vulnerability, and even a sense of unfinished business, depending on the nature of our relationship and the circumstances of their passing. Father’s Day can bring old feelings back to the surface and amplify those that are already there.
GreenAcres is here to help. We understand how overwhelming Father’s Day can be, so this blog offers some advice on how you can cope.
Remember, your feelings are normal
People lose their loved ones in different phases of their lives and no matter how expected or unexpected the death is – it hurts.
When you’re grieving the loss of a father or father figure, your feelings are likely to change from one moment to the next. You may feel shock one day and anger the next – or you may experience these emotions within hours of each other. However you’re feeling, you must be kind to yourself and remember that this is completely normal.
Supressing these emotions and avoiding your grief is likely to prolong the pain. Embrace your feelings as best you can and try not to be too hard on yourself when you’re feeling particularly emotional around Father’s Day.
Find a fitting memorial
Sometimes finding the right memorial for your loved one can be soothing. Some people find peace in visiting the memorial, whether it’s just sitting nearby and reading a book, spending time keeping your memorial neat and tidy, or simply reflecting on happy memories. Talking can help too – whether you’re sharing what’s on your mind with your loved one or having a chat with someone else who is visiting or working at the Park.
Everyone’s feelings, needs and wishes are unique, and everybody’s bereavement journey is different. Places like GreenAcres recognise this and support you to plan and create the perfect service, burial and lasting memorial for you and your family.
At GreenAcres, we can help you find the perfect memorial to your loved one. Our friendly and knowledgeable team are on hand to support you with creating a fitting tribute that you can visit and reflect on precious memories for years to come.
Revisit memories
Sometimes revisiting memories and talking about the person you’ve lost can help you along your bereavement journey.
You may find comfort from going through old photographs from when your dad was young. There are bound to be many parts of his life you didn’t know about, which can help you to understand more about his experiences and the life he lived. There’ll also be certain objects that evoke special memories of your dad, which you can keep and cherish forever.
It can also help to visit your dad’s grave or memorial on Father’s Day. While this is a personal choice, many people find comfort from visiting their loved one’s resting spot and tending to their grave – even if just for an hour or two.
Do something your dad would have loved
What better way to honour your dad’s memory than by doing something he loved when he was alive? Whether he enjoyed pottering in the garden, fishing by the lake, taking a walk through the woods or cooking a delicious meal, spending the day doing his favourite things is a lovely way to remember him as he was.
Share stories with loved ones
If you feel up to being around other people on Father’s Day, you may take comfort from sharing and hearing about stories involving your dad. Get together with those who knew him over a cup of tea and bring him to life through your collective memories. You may have turned your dad’s social media accounts into an online memorial. If so, you can share tributes on there and invite others to do the same.
Write a letter
If you find it hard to articulate your grief, particularly around Father’s Day, it can be a helpful and cathartic experience to write your feelings down in a letter to your father. You may find this helps bring you closer to your dad. It can also help you make sense of complex emotions, bringing a sense of peace and comfort to guide you through this difficult time.
If you long to be closer to your dad again, you could try reading out your letter to him, imagining he’s there with you. Tell him you’re with him and you love him. It may not work for everyone, but this process helps some people manage the pain of their loved one’s passing.
Seek help from a professional resource
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with your grief alone. If you or someone you know is dealing with the loss of a father figure, here are some resources that might help you:
- Cruse Bereavement Care’s confidential helpline is available every day and the charity has an online chat facility from 9am to 9pm weekdays.
- Heal Grief.org – this organisation is based in the USA but the insights it gives are relevant to us all.
- The NHS website features useful links and information to support you through bereavement.
Sadly, men aren’t encouraged enough to talk about their mental health. As a result, they bottle up their feelings in order to cope. According to a report by Mind Men’s Mental Health, only two in five men admit to feeling worried or low, and are far less likely than women to seek support.
There are several organisations that can help provide support and guidance for those who are struggling following their father’s death. Men’s Sheds is one such movement. Men’s Sheds are community space for men to connect, converse and create together, reducing loneliness and isolation. There are 582 across the UK, so there’s bound to be one near you.
Supporting children through loss
Losing a father or father figure is hard for anyone, irrespective of their age. But if a father dies when his children are still young, this can add an additional layer of complexity to the emotions felt by those he leaves behind.
As well as dealing with the rawness of their grief when they lose their father. Children and young people are likely to go through the grieving process again and in different ways when Father’s Day approaches.
It’s important for everyone involved to find the support they need to explore their emotions and cope with their grief during this difficult time. Thankfully, there are many resources that can help:
- Cruse Bereavement Care’s website for young people who’ve been bereaved, with films, poems, advice and insights from peers and specialists.
- Young Minds’ experts and ambassadors explore the stages of bereavement and how to work through your grief
- Family Lives’ useful links to sources of information and advice
- Child Bereavement UK supports parents and children through the grieving process. These resources are designed to help adults supporting bereaved children and young people
Come and join us at one of our Father’s Day services
Please join us in your nearest GreenAcres Park this Father’s Day, to remember all the important men in our lives. Spend precious time together as a family to celebrate and remember the things you loved about your dad in a peaceful, quiet and reflective setting.
Book onto a Father’s Day service to secure your slot.