Children deal with loss in many different ways. Particularly since the death of Her Majesty the Queen and the war in Ukraine, children of all ages have been asking more questions about bereavement and what happens after someone dies.

Though it’s natural to worry about saying the wrong thing, speaking to children about their thoughts and feelings after the death of a loved one is an important thing to do. After all, they’re just as affected by death as we are. Plus, children’s imaginations run wild, causing unwarranted stress and fear.

You may not know where to begin – and that’s okay. This blog will help you navigate the process and show you how to talk to children about grief.

Be honest about what has happened

The first – and arguably most important – step is to explain what happened honestly and clearly. Use plain language the children can understand. For example, it’s better to say, ‘someone has died’ rather than ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’. The latter will only confuse them.

Depending on the children’s age, creating stories to help them relate to the situation may help. During this time, let them ask as many questions as they need. It’s important that you answer truthfully, but try not to overburden them with information. Giving short, to-the-point answers will help them process what’s happened.

Remember, the conversation about death is an ongoing one. Try to be as willing as possible to answer questions when they have them. Children ask questions at the most random times, but accommodate them as best you can.

Offer reassurance

After experiencing a death, children often worry about their friends and family dying. While you can’t make promises about the future, you can reassure them that they’re loved and will always have someone to care for them should the worst happen.

It’s best not to go into too much detail about this. As we’ve mentioned, children’s imaginations often get the better of them, so be careful not to put scary ideas into their heads. Instead, shower the children with love and affection and spend time doing fun things with them – like painting and baking – to take their minds off their worries.

Don’t hide your feelings

Children are incredibly observant and will pick up on your feelings, even if you’re careful not to show them. Instead of hiding that you’re sad, let them see your emotions. That way, they’ll feel like they can openly share theirs without feeling suppressed. They’ll also develop a healthy relationship with death moving forward.

Give your child space to play

While talking about death is good for a child’s development, it can be an intense and upsetting experience. Children need their own space to partake in normal activities – either alone or with friends. Grief affects children differently, so don’t be alarmed if yours act like nothing’s happened. Your child’s grieving, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

Help them express their grief

Not all children like to talk about their feelings. Some find drawing or writing about how they feel more cathartic. If your child is finding it hard to talk about death, encourage them to express their grief creatively instead.

They might want to write a poem or letter to the person who’s died. Or they may prefer to paint or draw a tribute to a loved one. Creating a memory box can also help children express grief. Fill it with pictures, letters, stories and anything that reminds them of the person who’s passed away.

Worry Monsters can also help. These soft plushie toys are designed to help children express their worries. Ask your child to write a note or draw a picture of their worry and place it into the monster’s mouth. When they’re asleep, remove the note and in the morning, your child will notice that the monster’s eaten their worries. This should enable them to manage intrusive thoughts about death.

          

Let them get involved with the funeral

There are no set rules about children attending funerals. It’s up to each family to decide what’s best. However, if your child expresses a wish to go to the funeral or memorial service, you might want to consider letting them.

Funerals signify finality, which can help your child process the loss. Younger children may not understand what’s happening, but older children may take comfort from saying their goodbyes surrounded by their friends and family.

Remember, you’re not alone  

You never have to do any of this alone. At GreenAcres, we’re here to offer you all the support you need. Join us at one of our monthly Bereavement Groups or remembrance events to meet others who can relate to how you feel over a cup of tea and slice of cake. We promise you a warm welcome and friendly ear whenever you need it.

Hope Again is another excellent resource where young people can learn how to cope with grief and feel less alone. There’s lots of useful information, including personal stories, grieving guides and help for parents and guardians. Similarly, Child Bereavement UK offers an abundance of resources to help parents, guardians and carers support bereaved children and young people.

You can also head over to our blog for more resources on how to deal with loss – including what to do with ashes and what to do to a person’s social media account when they die.

 

Christmas is a time for family, togetherness and creating special memories. However, for those coping with bereavement, it can also be a time when the absence of loved ones who are no longer with us becomes overwhelming. The empty chair at the table can shine an even bigger spotlight on sadness, making the loss feel even more profound.  

In this blog, we’ll share thoughtful ways to honour and remember the ones we miss during the Christmas festivities. Whether it’s lighting a candle, sharing your favourite stories or setting aside a special space for the deceased at the dinner table, these small acts of remembrance can bring comfort, keep their memory alive and kick-start new traditions. 

Light a candle

One of the simplest yet most meaningful ways to honour the deceased this Christmas is to light a candle in their memory. Many people believe that memorial candles symbolise the continuation of life in death and the enduring presence of the spirit, offering a moment of stillness and literal warmth as you look back on better times.

Adopt their traditions

If your loved one had a special festive tradition, such as baking a particular dessert or playing their favourite Christmas song on repeat, you could consider incorporating it into your own celebrations. Doing so means your loved one will continue to play a part in your festivities both now and in future Christmases. . 

Make space at the table

Christmas dinner brings loved ones together, so you may want to place a photo, a dinner plate or an empty chair at their place at the table to symbolise your loved one’s presence. These small gestures can help bring comfort during grief, especially during the busy Christmas period, which can often feel intensely overwhelming. They also offer the chance to feel close to the dead while still allowing you to enjoy the festivities.  

Find comfort through acts of remembrance

Adding a personal touch to your Christmas remembrance can make the festivities even more meaningful. Some simple ideas include finding or creating a decoration dedicated to the deceased that you can hang on the Christmas tree. You could write your loved one a heartfelt letter or even dedicate a small corner of your home to display their photo with Christmas decorations. For some, donating to or volunteering with a charity their loved one cared about can be a beautiful way to honour and celebrate their memory.  

By personalising the way you remember the deceased, you can transform grief into a celebration of who they were and what they meant to you – which is exactly what Christmas is all about.  

Hang a Christmas stocking 

If you find the fireplace looks bare this Christmas, hang a stocking in memory of the deceased. You could fill it with a few of their favourite Christmas gifts or invite family and friends to leave letters and photos dedicated to their loved one. This won’t be right for everyone, but some people find comfort in seeing the stocking full of life. 

Toast your loved one 

Before the night is over, gather your friends and family and raise a glass to your loved one’s memory. You may want to say a few words or spend a few minutes in silence thinking about the dead. Either way, proposing a Christmas toast is a lovely way to bring the memory of the deceased into the festivities.  

Share stories and traditions 

Sharing stories and continuing the traditions of the deceased is a great way to keep their memory alive. This could be as simple as taking time as a family to share your favourite memories or anecdotes about them. Memories tend to raise a smile, and what better way to spend Christmas? 

Find the support you need in a GreenAcres Park 

If you’re struggling to come to terms with grief or need someone to talk to, we hold events, remembrance services and bereavement cafés at our Parks throughout the year.  

You may find particular comfort from our bereavement cafés, which are held within the beautiful landscapes of our Parks and provide a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living with life after loss. We also provide grief books, signposting information to other bereavement organisations and other resources to help with your grief journey.  

Head over to our website to find a GreenAcres event and bereavement café near you. 

Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and togetherness, but for those grieving the death of a loved one, it can be a particularly challenging period. The constant reminders of the people no longer here can amplify feelings of loss and bring an even stronger sense of sadness to the festivities. 

If someone you care about is grieving during the Christmas holidays, knowing what to say – or what not to say – can be daunting. How do you offer comfort without saying the wrong thing? In this blog, we’ll explore compassionate ways to send a message to those grieving at Christmas. Whether through kind words or carefully chosen gifts, there are several thoughtful ways to show you care this festive season.  

What to write in a Christmas card for someone who’s grieving

Sending Christmas cards is a long-standing tradition for many people, with the world’s first recorded use of “Merry Christmas” sent in 1534. Even though writing a Christmas card for someone who is grieving can feel daunting, your words can bring great comfort. The important thing is to acknowledge their loss and show that you care. Avoid clichés like “time heals all wounds” or overly cheerful messages that may feel out of place. Instead, choose messages with sincerity and empathy. 

 Start with a heartfelt acknowledgement of their grief. For example: 

“I know this Christmas will be especially difficult for you without [loved one’s name]. Nothing I say can ease the pain, but I just want you to know I’m thinking of you and sending you love.” 

You may also want to include a brief memory or sentiment about the person who died to add even more meaning to your Christmas message: 

“[Name] brought so much joy to those around them, and their memory lives on in all of us who loved them. I fondly remember when [add a memory here]…” 

Remind the person grieving they’re not alone: “If you need anything or just want to talk, I’m always here for you.” 

End your message with a compassionate wish: “Wishing you peace and comfort this Christmas, and hoping you find moments of warmth and love amidst the grief.” 

Writing a message to someone who’s suffering the loss of a loved one is never easy. But if you find yourself staring at a blank page because you have no idea what to say or where to even start, let your message come from the heart. And remember – even if you don’t receive a reply, your effort to reach out will mean so much to the person who’s grieving.  

How to send a Christmas text or email

If you’re not one for sending Christmas cards, you may want to text or email a Christmas message instead. Sending a Christmas text or email to someone who’s grieving is a quick and kind way to let them know they’re in your thoughts. While an electronic message may feel less personal than a handwritten card, it can still offer comfort, especially during an emotionally charged Christmas period. 

As your texts and emails are likely to be shorter and more frequent, your message might include phrases like:  

 Tell your loved one not to worry about replying so they don’t have the added pressure of sending a message back. 

Christmas gift ideas for someone who’s coping with a bereavement

  1. Personalised keepsakes: A custom photo frame, an ornament or a piece of jewellery engraved with either their loved one’s name or a special date can be a touching way to honour the deceased’s memory. 

  2. Cosy self-care gifts: A soft blanket, a cosy pair of slippers, bubble bath or a scented candle are great self-care gifts that can provide physical comfort when things feel especially tough.

  3. A diary and stationery: A diary and accompanying stationery set can encourage your loved one to express their emotions and write down their feelings. This can be especially cathartic to those who struggle to talk about their feelings out loud. 

  4. Subscription services: There are many subscription services you could choose from, including meal boxes, TV streaming and monthly coffee pod deliveries. These can make life a little easier for the person grieving and give them something to look forward to.  

  5. A donation to charity: Donating to a charity that meant something to the deceased or which offered the person grieving support is a wonderful way to honour their memory. 

Join us for our Christmas Remembrance Service 

We understand that far from being a joyous time, Christmas can be challenging and even upsetting for those dealing with loss. Our Christmas Remembrance Service provides a space for you to reflect on precious memories surrounded by people who can relate to how you feel. Book your place at your nearest GreenAcres Park on 8th December 2024 and please stay for refreshments afterwards if you feel up to it. We hope to see you there.  

 

 

Grief doesn’t always happen after a death. If a loved one becomes ill or receives a terminal diagnosis, it’s possible to grieve for them before they’ve passed away. You know they’re going to die – you just can’t be sure of when. That’s a tough burden for anyone to bear. 

Feelings of grief before a death can be overwhelming, so it’s important to seek help before your mental health starts to suffer. This article will guide you through this challenging journey by offering advice on what anticipatory grief is and how you can support yourself. 

What is anticipatory grief? 

Anticipatory grief is a type of grief that happens before someone you love passes away – often when they have a terminal illness, like dementia or cancer, or suffer a significant decline in their health. Anticipatory grief can start weeks, months and even years before the actual loss and stays with you until your loved one’s passing.  

What’s the difference between anticipatory grief and conventional grief?  

Grief comes in two forms: anticipatory grief and conventional grief. While anticipatory grief is the emotional response that occurs before the actual loss, conventional grief is the immediate emotional response following the loss of a loved one.  

Anticipatory grief is like looking ahead at death, while conventional grief looks back. Anticipatory grief can be even more difficult to bear because there’s always that small glimmer of hope that your loved one might get better or win their fight against their illness. Conventional grief is about coming to terms with the reality that they’re no longer here, leaving you to find a new way to carry their memory with you. 

What emotions might you feel with anticipatory grief? 

Anticipatory grief can trigger a range of different emotions, many of which come and go depending on your loved one’s condition on any given day. You might feel: 

Anticipatory grief can be incredibly exhausting, especially if your loved one has been battling an illness for a long time. The constant cycle of worry and anticipation becomes a huge part of your daily life, making it difficult to focus on work, family and other commitments.  

You may also find yourself postponing birthdays, celebrations and holidays while you wait for your loved one to pass. While this is normal with anticipatory grief, it can make feelings of guilt much worse.  

How to support yourself through anticipatory grief 

If you’re struggling with anticipatory grief, there are groups and forums you can turn to for support – like this one from MacMilian Cancer Support. You may find comfort from posting in the different support groups and talking to members who are going through the same thing. 

Here are some other ways you can support yourself through anticipatory grief: 

Acknowledge how you’re feeling 

It’s natural to try and bottle your emotions when trying to cope with anticipatory grief. You may find it hard to talk about the prospect of a loved one dying, causing you to feel isolated and alone. There’s also the constant worry of when it might happen.  

Instead of trying to face things by yourself, acknowledge how you’re feeling and seek support from friends and family who are going through the same experience. You can also get help by clicking on this Cruse Signposting Information Booklet produced by bereavement charity Cruse with information on many different support organisations.  Remember – you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.  

Have the difficult conversations early 

As challenging as it may be, having those difficult conversations with your loved one before they pass can save you unnecessary stress and heartache in the future. Speaking to them about their funeral wishes and end-of-life arrangements will not only prepare you for what lies ahead, but also ensures their wishes are respected.  

This open and honest communication can bring a sense of peace during an emotionally tough time, allowing you to focus on providing the love and support your loved one needs as they approach the end of their life. If you need guidance, our experienced team can help talk you through your options.  

Say goodbye to your loved one 

While it’s difficult to accept that your loved one will one day no longer be here, saying goodbye will help bring a sense of peace when the time comes. Take time to reflect on precious moments you’ve shared and take comfort from knowing that your loved one will pass knowing how deeply they are loved and cherished. If you’re loved one feels up to it, you may also want to visit places that are special to you both.  

Take time for yourself 

You might not feel up to it, but now’s the time to take care of yourself. Simple things like running a bath, reading a book and enjoying a nice meal can help bring a sense of normality to your life – even if only for an hour or two. 

When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. We offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is FREE for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park. Book your space at your nearest Park today. 

 

Christmas is a time of joy, celebration and spending time with loved ones. But for those dealing with a loss, it’s a time tinged with sadness. Christmas can bring grief to the forefront, serving as a painful reminder of the people who are no longer with us. Even if the death occurred many years ago, it’s important to understand how to support someone through their grief at Christmas so that they know they have someone to lean on should they need a friendly ear.

This blog will give you advice on what to say and what to do to help those who struggle with their grief at Christmas.

Don’t avoid speaking about Christmas

It’s natural to avoid speaking about Christmas if you don’t know how to approach the subject. But this can make the person who’s grieving feel more alone. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge that it will be a difficult time and that you’re always there for the person if they need support.

If you plan to send a Christmas card, write a message from the heart. Name the person who died and share a memory to help ease the pain. You may even raise a smile.

Reach out

While you’ve undoubtedly got a million things to think about before Christmas day, set aside some time to reach out to your friend or relative. A simple text or phone call can go a long way in making them feel less isolated when everyone around them is busy gearing up for the big day. Ask them how they’re feeling and allow them to speak about their loss if they feel up to it.

Try not to leave it too long in between texts. It’s easy to read a message and forget about it, intending to reply when you’re less busy. But keep the conversation going as long as your friend or family member needs.

Listen without interrupting

Those dealing with grief often find it hard to open up during the Christmas period. When everyone else is having fun going to Christmas parties and listening to festive music, they keep feelings bottled up to avoid bringing the mood down. Unfortunately, this ends up leaving their grief feeling far worse.

It’s important to offer your friend or relative the opportunity to get their emotions out. Allow the person grieving to speak about their feelings by creating a safe space for them to open up as honestly as they want to. Don’t interrupt, make comparisons or offer unwarranted advice. Simply make a cup of tea, provide the mince pies and lend a tentative ear.

Extend an invitation but support their choice

Christmas can be a lonely time for those suffering a loss. While your friend or family member may not be up for the festivities this year, extend an invitation so they know they’re welcome. It may be that they’d rather be on their own, but they’re bound to appreciate the thoughtful gesture, nonetheless. Likewise, if they choose to decline, respect their decision and try again the following year.

Christmas often loses its shine after a loss – at least in the immediate aftermath. Many people prefer to treat the 25th of December like any other day while they try to cope with their grief.

Offer help

If your friend or relative chooses to celebrate Christmas, offer to help them wrap gifts, prepare food or pick up last-minute stocking fillers. When people struggle, they tend to carry on regardless. The offer of help could be the thing they need to get through the festive period intact. Even if they don’t take you up on it, it’s a kind and thoughtful thing to do.

Keep the conversation going after Christmas

Grief is ongoing. Even when Christmas is over and done with, your friend or relative still has to deal with the tidal wave of emotions as time goes on. Remember to keep checking in on them beyond Christmas. It’s true that the festive period can be the most painful time, but grief is far from linear. They will appreciate your love and support, regardless of the season.

If you’re suffering from grief this Christmas or you know someone who is, you’re welcome to join us at your local GreenAcres Living Memorial Park for our Christmas Remembrance Service. Whether this is your first Christmas without this special person or the time of year that makes the memories that little bit harder, our Christmas Remembrance Service can be a lovely way to spend time reflecting.

It may also help to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our GreenAcres Bereavement Cafés, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.

Getting through Christmas after a bereavement is difficult enough without having to cope with New Year celebrations, too. While most of us look forward a fresh start with excitement about what’s to come, those suffering from grief are often left reflecting on happier times.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or daunted about the prospect of a new year without the person you lost, we’ve got advice on how to cope. Read on for more.

Give yourself some time to rest

Whether you celebrated Christmas or decided to give the festivities a miss, the build-up is still a chaotic time. Coupled with the exhaustion of grief, it’s more important than ever that you give yourself enough time to recover – both mentally and physically.

That doesn’t mean you have to slow down or stop what you’re doing altogether – you just need to take some time to rebuild. Eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, enjoy some light exercise and, most importantly, try not to pack your social calendar with too many activities. That way, you’re not putting yourself under too much pressure to get back to some kind of normality before you’re ready.

Reach out to friends and family

It’s not always easy to talk to friends and family about grief, but sharing memories about your loved one can help bring a sense of closure. Talking to those that knew the deceased can also make the loss feel slightly less overwhelming. Ignoring your grief will only worsen the pain, causing you to go into the new year with an uphill battle to climb.

This New Year, you might like to swap the celebrations for a night in sharing fond memories with your loved ones. And if you’re feeling up to it, why not raise a toast to the person who passed?

Attend a support group

When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. Our Bereavement Cafés offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team, along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is free for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park – just turn up at an event that suits you.

We’re hosting plenty of other grief events over the next year, too, so feel free to get involved as often as you like.

Be brave and try something new

Bereavement is a difficult process to go through, but dealing with a loss also brings new beginnings. If you’re feeling brave, why not use this opportunity to try something you’ve never done before? You could take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to do, or join a community – like a book club or walking group. Many of our Bereavement Café attendees say that while building new connections is scary, meeting like-minded people can be a positive experience.

Live one day at a time

Instead of looking too far into the new year, take each day as it comes. We’re all guilty of putting too much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, make plans and chase self-improvement on January 1st. But when coping with grief, this only adds to the suffering.

This year, ditch the New Year’s resolutions and switch your focus to self-care. You could pick up a good book, indulge in your favourite hobby or complete a new skincare routine. If you do want to make a couple of resolutions, however, make them achievable and don’t worry if you need to abandon them later on down the line.

Don’t feel guilty about saying no

As you go into a new year, keep reminding yourself it’s okay to say no. If you’re invited out but don’t feel like going, you don’t need to feel guilty for turning the invite down. Instead, it’s important that you take life at a pace you’re comfortable with, which may involve spending some time on your own to grieve.

Try meditation

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed at any point during the new year, why not try some easy 5-minute meditation techniques? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t meditated before – just use your instincts to guide you. These steps will help get you started:

  1. Place some cushions on the floor and lie on your back. Close your eyes and start breathing in and out slowly, becoming attuned to your body.
  2. As soon as you’re ready, imagine you’re rising above yourself and looking down.
  3. Pay close attention to everything you’re feeling at that moment. Allow the thoughts and feelings to progress, even if they don’t make sense.
  4. Then, centre your thoughts back to your breathing. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. Keep taking deep breaths in and out. Stay like this for a few minutes – or longer, if you need it.
  5. When you’re ready, imagine yourself returning to your body and slowly open your eyes. Give yourself a few seconds to adjust before attempting to get up.

At GreenAcres Living Memorial Parks, you’re never alone. You can find a range of helpful blog posts to guide you through your grief on our website.

You’ll also find a wealth of resources over on The Grief Channel. The Grief Channel is dedicated to normalising conversations around grief, death and dying. Grief can be incredibly tough, but is a natural part of life and can be transformative, instead of being something to be feared and locked away. Their mission is to share knowledge and stories that people can relate to, and to provide solace and support.

Listening to other people’s experiences can be a real comfort, too – particularly if you’re struggling to focus. Cruse Bereavement Group has put together a list of podcasts to help with grief and loss. It covers everything, from insightful interviews to funny discussions with comedians.