Writing a eulogy is a traditional way to say goodbye when a loved one dies. Also known as a funeral speech, a eulogy is given at a funeral or memorial service by someone who was close to the deceased to commemorate their life. This could be a child, best friend, mother or father.
There are no rules to what you can and can’t say in a funeral speech. A eulogy is unique to the person it’s written about, but writing one can leave those grieving feeling lost for words. We have some advice on how to make writing a funeral speech feel less daunting for those who want to remember and honour their loved one’s life.
Decide on the tone of your funeral speech
Traditional eulogies are personal, meaningful and heartfelt. They vary in tone, but they tend to be conversational to ensure that everyone attending the funeral or memorial service can understand and relate to the words being said.
Whether you choose to adopt an uplifting tone with a bit of light humour or prefer to keep the eulogy sombre and serious is entirely up to you. It also depends on the relationship you shared with the deceased.
When writing your eulogy, remember to keep in mind your audience. The last thing you’d want to do is offend or upset the mourners attending the funeral with an unsuitable tone.
Ask family and friends for their memories
Before you sit down to write your eulogy, ask family and friends of the deceased for their recollections. This will bring comfort to them during the funeral and may jog some memories they had long forgotten about, too. Brainstorming with loved ones will also give you an idea of which memories to focus on throughout your speech.
What to include in a eulogy
Perhaps one of the hardest things about writing a funeral speech is knowing what to include about your loved one’s life. While this will vary from person to person depending on their history, it’s traditional to focus on their achievements alongside a brief timeline of their life. To help get you started, you might like to talk about:
- Where the deceased was born
- The names of their parents and siblings
- Nicknames and a brief background behind them
- An overview of their childhood, including schools attended
- Academic qualifications and achievements
- Details of military service
- Marriages, divorces, children and grandchildren
- Hobbies and interests
- Interesting stories
- Detail about their personality and preferences
Introduce yourself
Before writing the main bulk of the eulogy, remember to introduce yourself. Not all mourners at the funeral will know who you are, so offer a couple of lines of context about who the deceased was to you. This will help provide background for the rest of the eulogy.
Thank people for attending
To help soothe your nerves and ease your way into the eulogy, thank everyone for taking the time out of their day to come to the funeral service. You can also use this section to express your heartfelt condolences before you start reading the rest of the eulogy. This may be the hardest part of the funeral speech, so remember to bring tissues to the front of the room with you in case you need them.
Share memories of the deceased
Many people like to dedicate the main bulk of their eulogy to sharing fond memories of the deceased. You can make your speech as personal as you’d like it to be, but focusing on stories about the deceased and the qualities that made them special is a fitting way to say goodbye. Funerals don’t have to be sombre – they can be a celebration of life, so try to maintain a positive tone throughout this section to help lift the spirits of those in attendance.
Close the eulogy with comforting words
When closing the eulogy, say your final goodbye and finish by offering some words of comfort to the other mourners. You may want to end with your loved one’s favourite poem, quote or saying. Then, conclude your speech with a final goodbye.
Keep your speech short and sweet
Try to keep your eulogy around 3-5 minutes long. This is the perfect length to keep the audience’s attention while allowing enough time to delve into detail about the deceased’s life. Speak to the person organising the funeral about how long you have and time yourself to ensure you stick to the time limit.
If you need advice about funeral planning or a friendly ear to talk to, we’re here for you. Nothing is too much trouble, so come and speak to our friendly and knowledgeable team for more information.
It may seem strange to be thinking about your own death and what happens afterwards. But planning how – and where – you’d like to be remembered is part of your legacy. When the time comes, it will give your family peace of mind to know they’re carrying out your wishes.
There are several components to end-of-life planning, some of which may help you and those close to you prepare. To help make this daunting task feel a little easier, we’ve got some tips on how to get things in order before it’s too late.
Why plan ahead?
Getting advice about later life planning is important, as it can help make things feel much easier later down the line. Planning ahead can also take the pressure off your family and significantly reduce the cost of your funeral.
We understand that planning for your death ahead of time can feel overwhelming. If you need additional support, Life Ledger offers a free, easy-to-use service that allows families to notify every business connected to the deceased from a single place. Life Ledger can help individuals and families before they experience a bereavement with simple and easy end-of-life planning.
Here are the other main things you should think about before dipping your toe into funeral planning.
Ensure you have an up-to-date will
Having an up-to-date will written by a solicitor is vital in ensuring your wishes are respected and followed. A legitimate will also free your family from the burden of difficult decisions and legal complications.
If you don’t yet have one or are unsure of where to start, March is Free Wills Month. Supported by a group of well-respected charities, Free Wills Month offers anyone aged 55 and over the opportunity to have a simple will written or updated free of charge by participating solicitors across England, Scotland, and Wales.
To get involved, simply enter your details on the Free Wills Month website to find participating solicitors near you.
Appoint an individual with durable power of attorney
A durable power of attorney is an important legal document that gives another person the right to make decisions about your finances, health and welfare should you become incapacitated. Choosing someone you trust, such as a friend or loved one, negates the need for costly and stressful court action should the worst happen. This is especially important if you’re unwell or suffering from a long-term or terminal illness.
If you need help in coping with a terminal illness, Hospice UK’s Dying Matters Campaign is committed to creating an open culture in which we’re comfortable about talking death, dying and bereavement. Visit the website for helpful resources and more information about how the charity can support you.
Specify preferences for your funeral, burial, or cremation
Everyone deserves to have their wishes met when the time comes. Regardless of your spiritual or religious beliefs, choosing whether you’d like a funeral, burial or cremation is a big decision to make. However, thinking about it as early as possible helps take the stress away from your loved ones during a difficult time. Ultimately, the decision is up to you, but talking through your options with your loved ones will make the choice much easier.
We understand that this step can be the hardest of all. That’s why our friendly team of experts are here to help at every step, empowering you to make the right choices.
Select a resting place
Most of us believe that a final resting place is all about the deceased. It’s easy to ignore what will happen after you die – and many of us don’t consider how difficult the decisions are for the loved ones left behind. But choosing your final resting place before the time comes can bring you and your family a sense of peace before you pass.
When thinking about where you’d like your final resting place to be, GreenAcres is not only a place where your loved ones can reflect on your life, but a beautiful location to meet, go for a walk, and make connections that can last a lifetime.
You can choose where you want to rest from a variety of settings, from peaceful sustainably managed woodlands and stunning wildflower meadows to relaxing, well-cared-for parkland.
Consider the environmental impact of your funeral
Whatever your wishes, you may want to consider having a sustainable funeral to minimise your impact on the environment. At GreenAcres, we take care to maintain our Parks so that your loved ones can enjoy them for years to come.
We’ve also implemented a range of eco and conservation policies to protect the landscape (such as plastic free). Additionally, we encourage the use of natural coffin materials, such as bamboo, cardboard, willow and banana leaf, wherever possible. You can even choose to have no coffin at all!
Explore themes, music, colours that you may wish your life to be celebrated
A funeral or memorial service is a unique way to celebrate the life you lived. While traditional funeral etiquette suggests that mourners should wear black, you might want to choose more vibrant colours instead to more accurately represent your life. You may also wish to select a theme that reflects your hobbies, interests, or culture.
Talk to your loved ones about your wishes, as they can help you plan the perfect send-off. They can also offer ideas that you may not have considered before. In fact, many families tell us that the conversation they’d been dreading turned into laughter and smiles.
Co-op Funeralcare has pulled together a list of the nation’s most popular farewell songs – and the top five may surprise you! Take a look to see if your favourite’s on the list.
Top of the (funeral) Pops include:
| 1 | You’ll Never Walk Alone | Gerry and The Pacemakers |
| 2 | My Way | Frank Sinatra |
| 3 | Always Look On The Bright Side of Life | Eric Idle |
| 4 | Simply The Best | Tina Turner |
| 5 | Supermarket Flowers | Ed Sheeran |
We’re here to help you every step of the way. Come and speak to our knowledgeable team to learn more about the options available to you for planning for the future. You may also benefit from attending one of our Later Life Planning Seminars run at many of our Parks throughout the year. See our website for more information.
Thanks for the memory
Of Schubert’s Serenade
Little things of jade
And traffic jams
And anagrams
And bills we never paid…
(From ‘Thanks for the memory’. Lyrics by Leo Robin)
The first memorial most of us create to someone we have loved is a funeral service. This gives us an opportunity to share memories, as well as photos, and to talk about the person who has died. However, it can be difficult to plan this, often at short notice, so it does justice to the memory of a loved one in the time allowed. Some venues offer more flexible options, for example, longer services to accommodate your requirements.
Recent Covid-19 restrictions, that limit the number of mourners who can attend a funeral, have made it more challenging at some venues to plan the funeral or memorial service you wanted. Venues such as GreenAcres parks can incorporate live-streaming or recording of services so you can share them with many more people.
Of course, there are other ways – both traditional and less conventional – to remember your loved one and celebrate their life. You don’t need to involve a funeral director if you’re organising a memorial service after a burial or cremation, or to commemorate the life of the person you loved in the way you wish. This can normally be arranged directly with the venue.
While many people choose to arrange for a traditional, permanent memorial, such as a headstone or mausoleum, others choose to scatter their loved one’s ashes in a place the person enjoyed visiting, perhaps a special spot in the countryside or at sea.
Living memorials
With increasing awareness of our impact on the environment, living memorials such as planting a native tree offer a ‘greener’ way to commemorate a loved one, as well as providing habitats for a range of wildlife. Parks, such as GreenAcres, have a range of native trees selected by the Grounds Team that a family can choose from. Or you can plant a biodegradable urn that, along with the surrounding soil, nurtures a tree or wildflowers with your loved one’s ashes.
Woodland memorials
Within burial parks and woodland cemeteries, like GreenAcres, you have the option of creating a memorial that’s also a natural habitat for birds, bees, owls, butterflies or bats. And at GreenAcres Parks, you can choose to commemorate your loved one in beautiful surroundings, regardless of whether or not they have been laid to rest at one of our parks.
It’s traditional for graves in natural environments to be marked with a simple oak plaque, with an inscription of your choice. You can also place a memorial bench or other memorial in some burial parklands, along with an engraved plaque to your loved one.
Personal keepsakes
Personal keepsakes are designed to hold a small quantity of ashes. The wonderful thing about them is they can provide the opportunity for every member of the family to retain a treasured memory of their own should they so wish.
Keeping your loved one close
Some people achieve a feeling of having their loved one close to them by keeping some ashes in a cuddly toy. And there’s an increasingly popular trend, mixing ashes with body ink to create a permanent tattoo, to keep someone you love permanently close to your body. Ashes can also be incorporated into memorial jewellery or ornaments, a popular way of feeling near to someone you have lost.
Reaching for the skies
Families are increasingly looking for more original and personalised ways to remember someone, such as scattering their ashes during a tandem skydive, creating a vinyl record that contains compressed ashes, or saying goodbye via a professional memorial firework containing cremated ashes.
Burying ashes at home
Some people bury all or some of the ashes in their garden, although it’s worth considering what might happen if you move to a new home in the future, which might make it difficult to visit your loved one’s resting place.
Planning your own memorial
While it might seem strange to consider how you’d like to be remembered after your death, planning ahead can give you peace of mind. It can also help your family at a difficult time, by knowing they’re doing what you’d have wanted.
If you haven’t already thought about whether you’d want to be buried or cremated, and where you wish to be laid to rest, visiting a contemporary cemetery such as GreenAcres can help you to make some of those difficult decisions. You’re welcome to arrange a tour and talk things through with a member of the team.
GreenAcres parks provide a beautiful setting for your final resting place with many opportunities to represent the way you wish to be remembered for years to come.
And, unlike many other cemeteries, when you purchase a plot in any of the parks (whether for a Full Burial or an Ash Interment), you can choose the place you want to be buried from a variety of beautiful settings. You can also select the type of funeral or memorial service you want.
Nothing can prepare you for how you might feel when someone close to you dies, whether it’s expected or not. It can feel overwhelming, devastating and strange, all at the same time. There’s lots to organise. And it can be difficult to know where to start.
We don’t tend to talk much about death, burial or the kind of funeral you might want. But it’s worth remembering that writing down your own wishes now can take stress and worry away from the people you love most when it’s their turn to make the arrangements.
Some people find comfort in the practical tasks they need to carry out. Of course, it helps if someone has planned ahead and left details of what they’d like, including where they’d like to be buried. If not, and if you haven’t arranged a burial before, here’s a guide to what you need to know.
What to do next
If your loved one dies in a care home or hospital, there should be someone to guide you through what to do next and how to register the death. This involves visiting the nearest Registry Office to where the person has died, taking along the medical certificate of death that’s been signed by a doctor. The Registrar will give you a green form that means a burial can go ahead. You will need to hand this to the Funeral Director you’ve chosen, if you have decided to use one, and not everyone does. You’ll also need to ask for extra copies of the death certificate to settle other affairs such as bank accounts. You’ll need to pay for the first and any additional copies of this certificate.
The Funeral Director is your friend
You might not have met before, but your Funeral Director is the expert who can advise you about all aspects of the funeral and burial. If you don’t feel comfortable about going to their office, most will be happy to come and see you at home, or speak by phone, which feel more relaxed.
At your first meeting, there will be lots of questions. Take your time and don’t feel under pressure to agree to anything you’re not happy about. There shouldn’t be any pressure, for example, about choosing the coffin, car or flowers. And if you at anytime feel that the Funeral Director you have chosen is not suitable for your needs, or they aren’t listening to what you want, you have the option to choose a different one. You are well within your rights to do this. This relationship, although a short one, is going to be important over the next few weeks.
If your loved one hasn’t left any directions, you’ll need to make the decisions about whether you want a funeral service and, if you do, where it will be held. The Funeral Director will also discuss whether the body is to be embalmed, ask where your loved one is to be buried (this may also affect the type of coffin that’s permitted), and whether you’ve thought about what might be placed on top of the coffin. And you’ll also need to discuss what clothes you’d like your loved one to be buried in and whether any personal items are to be buried with them (again, the type of burial site may affect which items can be included).
The funeral service
You might already have a good idea of whether you’re going to have a service and, if so, where it will be, who will lead it and who should deliver the eulogy. Or you may not. You’ll need to find time to discuss these details with family or friends and work with your Funeral Director to create an Order of Service. Don’t underestimate how difficult it can be to deliver a eulogy if you’re a close relative or friend of the person who has died. It’s one of the most challenging tasks you could take on at such an emotional time. If you are not used to public speaking and prefer not to deliver this your friends and family will understand.
Sometimes, a person’s religious faith affects how soon after death the funeral needs to take place. But in many cases, funerals take place over a week afterwards, to give people who may live further away time to plan their travel.
Funeral services are usually held before the body is buried, while memorial services can be arranged a while later. In some service halls, the ceremony can be recorded and live-streamed to mourners who aren’t able to attend. And some people choose a graveside service at the burial site instead of a service hall.
Covid-19 restrictions
Currently, there are some restrictions that affect funeral arrangements. Your Funeral Director will be able to advise you about the latest rules. Alternatively you can visit Gov.uk website for the most recent updates.
Choosing a burial plot
If your loved one hasn’t left a note of their wishes, you’ll need to consider not only where they should be buried, but any restrictions that apply to the cemetery, including the type of coffin that can be used. In a traditional graveyard, you can choose pretty much any type of coffin or casket (including metal caskets) you wish, and the site can be marked with a headstone, mausoleum or burial vault.
Nowadays, many people are choosing more environmentally friendly burials, and these come with some restrictions. In most sites, a simple shroud can be used instead of a coffin and there are some restrictions on the type of coffin that can be used. For example, in a natural burial site, the coffin should be made of biodegradable materials, without metal handles, and there should be no other materials in the coffin that don’t break down naturally. Some woodland burial sites, such as GreenAcres parks, have slightly different/flexible criteria that allow any type of coffin with the exception of zinc lined and metal caskets in their woodland. However, their parklands do allow metal caskets to be interred, but your Funeral Director and the cemetery will be able to advise you about these.
Finding the right way to remember
Modern cemeteries are designed to be a place for the living. That means they’re spaces where people want to meet, spend time, walk and reflect on a loved one.
Many private cemeteries offer a choice of burial site so that traditional areas can accommodate a headstone or mausoleum, whereas woodland areas might have more discreet memorials, simple wooden posts or ‘living memorials’ such as trees that will outlast those who chose them. Or there’s the option of having an unmarked grave that, over time, becomes an integral part of the surrounding natural environment.
In a contemporary burial site like GreenAcres, it’s really up to you. You can consider an oak memorial post or memorial plaque or even a ‘living memorial’ like a tree or a natural habitat for wildlife such as a bird box.
Staying together
Sometimes a couple wish to stay together not only in life but also after they’ve died. Finding a private garden or a woodland glade where your loved one can be buried, but that also leaves space for a partner to follow, is a popular choice.
Marked burial plots, with double-depth graves, at GreenAcres mean that a second person can be laid to rest with their loved one in the future.
In some areas of GreenAcres parks, there is also an option to reserve several spaces in private gardens and woodland glades, meaning families and friends can be buried close together.
How can you safeguard a burial plot for the future?
Some organisations give you the option of buying a long lease on a burial plot. This means it’s protected for future generations, who won’t have to bear the financial burden of renewing the lease or the guilt if they don’t. Private cemeteries like GreenAcres offer the flexibility of choosing from a variety of lease periods from 25 years to the life of the park.
What makes modern burials different?
For a growing number of people, the focus is on sustainability, biodiversity, quality of service and choice.
At GreenAcres, you can choose a burial plot in one of the six beautiful parks, located in different parts of the country. Depending on which of the parks you select, there’s a choice of woodland, meadows and lawns within acres of protected parkland.
Where can I go for more information?
Funeral Guide gives you step-by-step information on what to do when someone dies.
Tell Us Once is a service that enables you to report a death to most government organisations in one go.
Find out more about organising a burial at GreenAcres.
Losing your mother or a motherly figure can be one of the most emotional and painful experiences you’ll ever go through.
This blog will guide you through a myriad of emotions you may be experiencing and will provide useful tips on how to support children grieving the loss of a mother.
Missing your Mum on special occasions
If you are struggling with grief of losing your mother or a motherly figure, special occasions such as Mother’s Day, Christmas, Birthday’s or anniversaries can be challenging. Below we’ve compiled five useful tips to help you deal with loss.
Be kind to yourself – There are five stages of grief from denial to acceptance and you may experience each stage at different times. Understanding these different stages will help you to realise that all the strange feelings you are feeling are perfectly normal.
Talk to your loved ones or friends – By sharing your fondest memories and stories of your mother with someone, can help keep their memory alive and bring some sense of comfort.
Do an activity your mum would love – From cooking her favourite meal, baking a cake, a spot of gardening or even watching one of her favourite TV shows/ Films.
Visit their grave or memorial spot – Taking the time to visit your mother’s grave or memorial spot can help bring you some comfort and time to reflect.
Practice self-care – Take the day to love and nurture yourself. Run yourself a hot bath, practise yoga, sing, dance, do things that make you smile.
Ask for help – Losing a parent or loved one can be a difficult process, there is no shame in asking for help or extra support if you feel like you are struggling. It maybe helpful to speak to someone outside of your family and friend circle such as your GP or a bereavement specialist.
NHS approved, Cruse Bereavement Care offers a wide range of support, advice and information to children, young people and adults when someone dies.
Supporting grieving children
For a child who has recently suffered the loss of a mother or motherly figure, the feelings of grief can feel confusing and frustrating.
Be patient – Children process and express grief differently from adults. Children may go from playing and laughing one minute to floods of tears the next. Be patient with them and let them know that it is ok to feel this way.
Consistency is key – Try to maintain household routines such as mealtimes, bedtimes etc. as much as possible. Structure and consistency are important to a child as they will help to create a sense of security.
Answer their questions – Naturally, children ask a lot of questions and this is no different when it comes to death. Answering any questions children might have about death and why it happens, will help give them a better understanding as to why they are experiencing certain emotions. If you find some questions too difficult to answer, there are many children’s books available that can help explain death in a ‘child friendly’ manner. You can find a list of over 60 children’s books on the topic of death and grief here.
Create a ‘Memory Box’ – Filling a box with photos, keepsakes and other special items is a great activity to do with children to help them feel more connected to a lost one. It is also a tangible item that children can keep going back to when they are feeling sad. https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Memory-Box
If you are concerned that your child is struggling to cope or have noticed any unusual behavioural changes, you can seek further help and advice from your GP or organisations like Child Bereavement UK and Hope Again.
Prioritising your health and wellbeing
It can be difficult to think of anything else when dealing with grief, but taking some time to focus on the importance of your health and wellbeing can be beneficial, and can even help clear your mind.
Heart disease, Alzheimer’s, Cancer and other non-communicable diseases (NCDs) are the most common cause of death and disability in women worldwide.
Losing a loved one to a disease such as cancer can spark worry into your own health and wellbeing. However, there are steps you can take to help reduce your risks of cancer:
Tobacco use – Tobacco use is the single largest preventable cause of death worldwide and is the leading cause of over 7 million deaths per year. Quitting at any age can make a huge difference, increasing your life expectancy and improving your quality of life.
Physical Activity – Maintaining a healthy weight and making physical activity part of your everyday life can help reduce your risks of cancer and other health problems, such as heart disease and diabetes.
Alcohol – By reducing and limiting how much you drink, can reduce your risk of 7 cancers including breast, mouth and bowel cancers.
If you are worried about cancer in your family – If you have recently lost your mother or another strong female figure in your family to cancer and are worried if it could be hereditary, the Ovarian Cancer Action website offers a ‘Hereditary Cancer Risk Tool’ which can help to assess your risks of developing certain cancers.
Early detection saves lives – There are many different types of cancers, and symptoms are varied, however, the earlier cancer is detected the higher the chance that it can be successfully treated.
If you are concerned about your health or have experienced any unusual symptoms or changes in your body, don’t be afraid to contact your doctor immediately.
References:
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/cancer
https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/alcohol-and-cancer
https://www.worldcancerday.org/
https://waltercarter.com.au/blog/lost-without-her-missing-your-mum-on-mothers-day
https://www.childbereavementuk.org/supporting-bereaved-children-and-young-people
Anyone who’s suffered a loss knows that grief isn’t a linear process. Grief comes and goes and varies with intensity, which means for some, the second year of grief can be harder than the first 12 months. Once the initial shock starts to fade, there’s the reality that this change is forever, unveiling layers of feelings and emotions.
There’s no timeline for when grief should fade. Everyone grieves differently, too, but the most important thing is having a solid support system you can rely on during your darkest days.
5 reasons why the second year of grief can be harder
1. Reality starts to kick in
In the early stages of grief, shock and disbelief provide a temporary cushion against the harsh impact of loss. There are many important things to deal with in the immediate aftermath of death, like making funeral arrangements and closing accounts. However, these protective shields weaken throughout the second year, forcing those left behind to confront the absence of loved ones who are no longer around.
Planning for the future without a loved one isn’t an easy process. You’re heading out of the survival stage and into a more permanent reality, which brings many challenges and emotions. It’s important to embrace this period with patience and self-compassion to allow yourself to come to terms with the loss and start building your new future.
2. Grief can take you by surprise
Two years is a relatively short amount of time in the landscape of grief. During this time, it can be so easy to forget – even for a split second – that your loved one is no longer with you. These fleeting moments can be as painful as the initial shock of their passing.
Similarly, within the first few years, birthdays and anniversaries that once marked special occasions are poignant reminders of grief. While they can turn into a celebration of your loved one’s life as time goes by, these milestones often carry the weight of sadness in the first few years after a loss.
If you’re finding it difficult to face anniversaries and special occasions after a death, read our blog post for some tips and advice on how to approach them.
3. Things won’t necessarily feel better
Time can be a healer for many people, but things don’t always feel easier in the second year. While the initial shock of the death may subside fairly quickly, the ache of grief lingers for a lot longer. Moments of respite may be engulfed by waves of sadness, serving as a stark reminder that grief is a non-linear process.
For parents and grandparents who have lost a child or grandchild, time passing can bring so much pain. Milestones like starting school, passing exams and graduations are missed and carry a lifetime of loss.
The death of a child is unparalleled – that’s why Child Bereavement UK offers a range of resources on how to understand these feelings, as well as providing additional support should you need it.
4. You may need to make significant life changes
The second year of grief may be the time when you have to consider certain things, like downsizing your home or picking up extra hours in your job. Whether this is because you need a new challenge or have to adapt to a new financial situation, change can take you out of your comfort zone, making it a difficult experience full of unknowns.
Change not only amplifies that your loved one is no longer around, but for many, the idea of ‘moving on’ can feel like a betrayal. These are difficult emotions for anyone to bear.
However, changes can be positive. The person you have lost would want you to find joy again – it might just be a different joy from what you are used to. Many people who have gone through a similar situation find they are surprised by their own strength and courage. Perhaps you might be, too.
5. Support may not be as readily available
Immediately after a death, those around you tend to offer an abundance of support and sympathy. But this may change in the second year, with people moving on with their lives and forgetting to check-in. While this may not be intentional, it can be painful, nonetheless. It’s important that if you need help, you’re able to get it. Several resources and groups are available, including Cruse Bereavement Support and our friendly Bereavement Groups at our local Parks. See details about this at the bottom of the blog.
How to navigate the second year of grief
Here are some ways you can support yourself during the second year of grief:
- Be kind to yourself and don’t judge yourself too harshly about where you are in your journey with grief
- Tell your loved ones what you need and how they can help
- Reflect on the first year and write down your achievements, even if they seem small
- Focus on practising self-care as much as you need and never feel guilty for putting yourself first
- Join support groups to meet like-minded people who understand what you’re going through and can offer actionable advice
- Be patient with yourself. Your journey with grief will take as long as it needs to
Get the support you need with GreenAcres
At GreenAcres, we’re here to offer you the help you need to navigate your journey with grief. You’re welcome to join us at your local Park for our Bereavement Group, where you’ll find a kind and supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is FREE for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park. Find out more and sign up to an event here.
Our blog is also full of useful tips and advice on where to turn to if you need extra support. And if you need a friendly ear to talk to, please reach out to our experienced team who will do all they can to guide you through the most difficult times.
Mother’s Day and the build-up to it can be an incredibly triggering time – especially if you had a difficult relationship with your mum. Whether you had a falling out, a toxic relationship or hadn’t spoken in a long time, this blog will help you understand your emotions and how to deal with them as Mother’s Day approaches.
Although you’ll be confronted with a myriad of complicated emotions, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to prioritise your own wellbeing, regardless of what other people might think.
Making sense of complicated feelings
You may have had a difficult relationship with your mum, but that doesn’t mean you won’t experience feelings of grief on Mother’s Day. Unsurprisingly, however, those feelings can be complicated and confusing. During this time, you might feel:
- Guilt about not feeling the way you should about your mum’s death
- Judged by friends and family
- Lonely because you have no one (or don’t know who) to talk to about your emotions
- Conflicted about how you should feel
- Pressured to feel a certain type of way around Mother’s Day
While most people feel pain after death, the grief that comes when someone you had a complicated relationship with dies can be heightened. You may feel ‘stuck’ in an endless cycle of suffering that doesn’t go away. You might start to blame yourself for what went wrong in your relationship or obsess about interactions you had with your mum when she was alive. These feelings are normal, but they in no way reflect you as a person.
However you feel, take care of yourself, seek support from understanding friends or professionals if needed, and focus on activities that bring you comfort and joy.
How to work through complicated grief on Mother’s Day
Sadly, it’s not always possible to find the closure you want or need. You’ll no doubt have good days and bad days – but ultimately, you may need to learn to live with the feelings you have. Even if you didn’t have a positive relationship with your mother, it can be helpful to acknowledge what she meant to you while she was alive.
Remember – there’s no normal way to grieve. After a death, many people feel:
- Angry with everyone
- Anxious all the time
- Numb or nothing at all
- Physically ill
- Tired from a lack of sleep
They might also see or hear the person who died and go over every detail of their death. Cruse Bereavement Support covers this in detail on their website. It’s worth having a read through their article on understanding grief, as it may help you to realise that all the strange feelings you are experiencing are perfectly normal.
In the meantime, here are some things that might help you come to terms to your loss:
Journal your feelings
If you’re left with guilt or regret, it may help you to write down your emotions in a journal. Journaling is a helpful way of coming to terms with grief – or at least understanding how you feel in that moment. You could also try writing a letter to your mum noting everything you need to say. Many people take comfort in writing down their emotions as it allows them to articulate more clearly.
Be honest
The first step in moving forward is to be honest about how you feel – even if your emotions make you uncomfortable. Whether you’re jealous of other people and their relationship with their mums or feel bitter about the situation you are in, it’s important to realise that these feelings are normal and that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Explain how you feel
You might encounter conflict with your friends and family due to the complex relationship you had with your mum. This can make grief harder for everyone. Everyone reacts to death in their own way, but not everyone sees eye to eye in the immediate aftermath of a loved one passing.
Though difficult, it might help to have an honest conversation with those close to you about how you feel any why your grieving process looks different to theirs. Otherwise, they may come up with incorrect conclusions.
When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. Our Bereavement Groups offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake! Find your nearest group here.
If you’re feeling anxious or upset in the run up to Mother’s Day, read our guide on how to deal with the grief of losing a mother. You may find some valuable tips on how to put yourself first, as well as getting through the day itself.
If you ever have to plan your own or a loved one’s funeral, one of the things you’ll need to think about is choosing the right songs. The music you choose doesn’t have to be sombre. While traditional funerals commemorate those who have passed with hymns and organ music, funeral songs can be light-hearted, humorous and even upbeat. The most important thing is that the music you choose reflects your loved one and gives mourners the chance to celebrate their life.
Choosing music can be a tricky task, so we’ve compiled a list of the most popular funeral songs to help ease some of the burden of arranging a funeral.
Most popular modern funeral songs
With funerals becoming more personalised and unique, it’s becoming increasingly popular to remember your loved one with modern music. Here are some of the most popular contemporary songs you might want to consider.
- Fleetwood Mac – Songbird
- Candle In The Wind – Elton John
- Somewhere Over The Rainbow – Eva Cassidy
- Angels – Robbie Williams
- You Raise Me Up – Westlife
- Flying Without Wings – Westlife
- Angel – Sarah McLachlan
- Supermarket Flowers – Ed Sheeran
- I’ll Be Missing You – Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
- Tears In Heaven – Eric Clapton
- Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Midler
- Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd
Most popular hymns
Hymns are a particularly popular choice for religious funerals. As they’re familiar to most of us, hymns bring mourners together and provide comfort as they say their goodbyes. These are the most well-known for you to consider.
- Jerusalem
- Amazing Grace
- Abide With Me
- The Old Rugged Cross
- All Things Bright and Beautiful
- My Lord’s My Shepherd
- How Great Art Thou
- Lord of All Hopefulness
- Morning Has Broken
- Here I Am Lord
Most popular classical funeral songs
Classical music is moving and emotional, making it one of the most popular choices for funerals. Some pieces are haunting and dramatic, while others are more uplifting, setting the scene for a timeless and respectful funeral service. Here are some of the most popular classical songs.
- Lacrimosa from Requiem – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
- Pie Jesu – Fauré
- Air on a G String – Bach
- Nimrod from Enigma Variations – Elgar
- Adagio – Albinoni
- The Four Seasons – Vivaldi
- Ave Maria – Schubert
- Canon in D – Paachelbel
- Andrea Bocelli – Time To Say Goodbye
- The Lark Ascending – Vaughan Williams
Most popular sports music
Playing a song, anthem or theme tune associated with your loved one’s favourite sport or team is a touching way to pay tribute to them. Each team has its own tune, but here are some of the most widely known.
- You’ll Never Walk Alone (Liverpool FC anthem) – Gerry and the Pacemakers
- Match of the Day Theme Song
- The Chain (Formula 1 theme song) – Fleetwood Mac
- The Best (Rangers FC) – Tina Turner
- Going Home (Newcastle United) – Mark Knopfler
Uplifting funeral songs
Sad and sombre funeral songs don’t suit everyone. If your loved one had a wicked sense of humour or you want to lighten the mood with an upbeat tune, these songs are the perfect way to celebrate someone who loved life and maintained their spirit until the very end.
- My Way – Frank Sinatra
- The Best – Tina Turner
- (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life – Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes
- Heroes – David Bowie
- Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Monty Python
- Bring Me Sunshine – Morecambe and Wise
- What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
- We’ll Meet Again – Vera Lynn
- Don’t Worry. Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin
- I’m Gonna Live Till I Die – Frank Sinatra
If you’re pre-planning your funeral or dealing with the loss of a loved one and need some support, we’re here for you. For more information about pre-planning or to join us at one of our remembrance events or monthly Bereavement Groups, please visit our website.
Christmas is a time for family, togetherness and creating special memories. However, for those coping with bereavement, it can also be a time when the absence of loved ones who are no longer with us becomes overwhelming. The empty chair at the table can shine an even bigger spotlight on sadness, making the loss feel even more profound.
In this blog, we’ll share thoughtful ways to honour and remember the ones we miss during the Christmas festivities. Whether it’s lighting a candle, sharing your favourite stories or setting aside a special space for the deceased at the dinner table, these small acts of remembrance can bring comfort, keep their memory alive and kick-start new traditions.
Light a candle
One of the simplest yet most meaningful ways to honour the deceased this Christmas is to light a candle in their memory. Many people believe that memorial candles symbolise the continuation of life in death and the enduring presence of the spirit, offering a moment of stillness and literal warmth as you look back on better times.
Adopt their traditions
If your loved one had a special festive tradition, such as baking a particular dessert or playing their favourite Christmas song on repeat, you could consider incorporating it into your own celebrations. Doing so means your loved one will continue to play a part in your festivities both now and in future Christmases. .
Make space at the table
Christmas dinner brings loved ones together, so you may want to place a photo, a dinner plate or an empty chair at their place at the table to symbolise your loved one’s presence. These small gestures can help bring comfort during grief, especially during the busy Christmas period, which can often feel intensely overwhelming. They also offer the chance to feel close to the dead while still allowing you to enjoy the festivities.
Find comfort through acts of remembrance
Adding a personal touch to your Christmas remembrance can make the festivities even more meaningful. Some simple ideas include finding or creating a decoration dedicated to the deceased that you can hang on the Christmas tree. You could write your loved one a heartfelt letter or even dedicate a small corner of your home to display their photo with Christmas decorations. For some, donating to or volunteering with a charity their loved one cared about can be a beautiful way to honour and celebrate their memory.
By personalising the way you remember the deceased, you can transform grief into a celebration of who they were and what they meant to you – which is exactly what Christmas is all about.
Hang a Christmas stocking
If you find the fireplace looks bare this Christmas, hang a stocking in memory of the deceased. You could fill it with a few of their favourite Christmas gifts or invite family and friends to leave letters and photos dedicated to their loved one. This won’t be right for everyone, but some people find comfort in seeing the stocking full of life.
Toast your loved one
Before the night is over, gather your friends and family and raise a glass to your loved one’s memory. You may want to say a few words or spend a few minutes in silence thinking about the dead. Either way, proposing a Christmas toast is a lovely way to bring the memory of the deceased into the festivities.
Share stories and traditions
Sharing stories and continuing the traditions of the deceased is a great way to keep their memory alive. This could be as simple as taking time as a family to share your favourite memories or anecdotes about them. Memories tend to raise a smile, and what better way to spend Christmas?
Find the support you need in a GreenAcres Park
If you’re struggling to come to terms with grief or need someone to talk to, we hold events, remembrance services and bereavement cafés at our Parks throughout the year.
You may find particular comfort from our bereavement cafés, which are held within the beautiful landscapes of our Parks and provide a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living with life after loss. We also provide grief books, signposting information to other bereavement organisations and other resources to help with your grief journey.
Head over to our website to find a GreenAcres event and bereavement café near you.
Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and togetherness, but for those grieving the death of a loved one, it can be a particularly challenging period. The constant reminders of the people no longer here can amplify feelings of loss and bring an even stronger sense of sadness to the festivities.
If someone you care about is grieving during the Christmas holidays, knowing what to say – or what not to say – can be daunting. How do you offer comfort without saying the wrong thing? In this blog, we’ll explore compassionate ways to send a message to those grieving at Christmas. Whether through kind words or carefully chosen gifts, there are several thoughtful ways to show you care this festive season.
What to write in a Christmas card for someone who’s grieving
Sending Christmas cards is a long-standing tradition for many people, with the world’s first recorded use of “Merry Christmas” sent in 1534. Even though writing a Christmas card for someone who is grieving can feel daunting, your words can bring great comfort. The important thing is to acknowledge their loss and show that you care. Avoid clichés like “time heals all wounds” or overly cheerful messages that may feel out of place. Instead, choose messages with sincerity and empathy.
Start with a heartfelt acknowledgement of their grief. For example:
“I know this Christmas will be especially difficult for you without [loved one’s name]. Nothing I say can ease the pain, but I just want you to know I’m thinking of you and sending you love.”
You may also want to include a brief memory or sentiment about the person who died to add even more meaning to your Christmas message:
“[Name] brought so much joy to those around them, and their memory lives on in all of us who loved them. I fondly remember when [add a memory here]…”
Remind the person grieving they’re not alone: “If you need anything or just want to talk, I’m always here for you.”
End your message with a compassionate wish: “Wishing you peace and comfort this Christmas, and hoping you find moments of warmth and love amidst the grief.”
Writing a message to someone who’s suffering the loss of a loved one is never easy. But if you find yourself staring at a blank page because you have no idea what to say or where to even start, let your message come from the heart. And remember – even if you don’t receive a reply, your effort to reach out will mean so much to the person who’s grieving.
How to send a Christmas text or email
If you’re not one for sending Christmas cards, you may want to text or email a Christmas message instead. Sending a Christmas text or email to someone who’s grieving is a quick and kind way to let them know they’re in your thoughts. While an electronic message may feel less personal than a handwritten card, it can still offer comfort, especially during an emotionally charged Christmas period.
As your texts and emails are likely to be shorter and more frequent, your message might include phrases like:
- “Sending you good thoughts and love this Christmas”
- “We did [activity] today and it reminded me of [Name]”
- “You can call or text me any time if things get too much”
Tell your loved one not to worry about replying so they don’t have the added pressure of sending a message back.
Christmas gift ideas for someone who’s coping with a bereavement
- Personalised keepsakes: A custom photo frame, an ornament or a piece of jewellery engraved with either their loved one’s name or a special date can be a touching way to honour the deceased’s memory.
- Cosy self-care gifts: A soft blanket, a cosy pair of slippers, bubble bath or a scented candle are great self-care gifts that can provide physical comfort when things feel especially tough.
- A diary and stationery: A diary and accompanying stationery set can encourage your loved one to express their emotions and write down their feelings. This can be especially cathartic to those who struggle to talk about their feelings out loud.
- Subscription services: There are many subscription services you could choose from, including meal boxes, TV streaming and monthly coffee pod deliveries. These can make life a little easier for the person grieving and give them something to look forward to.
- A donation to charity: Donating to a charity that meant something to the deceased or which offered the person grieving support is a wonderful way to honour their memory.
Join us for our Christmas Remembrance Service
We understand that far from being a joyous time, Christmas can be challenging and even upsetting for those dealing with loss. Our Christmas Remembrance Service provides a space for you to reflect on precious memories surrounded by people who can relate to how you feel. Book your place at your nearest GreenAcres Park on 8th December 2024 and please stay for refreshments afterwards if you feel up to it. We hope to see you there.
Grief doesn’t always happen after a death. If a loved one becomes ill or receives a terminal diagnosis, it’s possible to grieve for them before they’ve passed away. You know they’re going to die – you just can’t be sure of when. That’s a tough burden for anyone to bear.
Feelings of grief before a death can be overwhelming, so it’s important to seek help before your mental health starts to suffer. This article will guide you through this challenging journey by offering advice on what anticipatory grief is and how you can support yourself.
What is anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief is a type of grief that happens before someone you love passes away – often when they have a terminal illness, like dementia or cancer, or suffer a significant decline in their health. Anticipatory grief can start weeks, months and even years before the actual loss and stays with you until your loved one’s passing.
What’s the difference between anticipatory grief and conventional grief?
Grief comes in two forms: anticipatory grief and conventional grief. While anticipatory grief is the emotional response that occurs before the actual loss, conventional grief is the immediate emotional response following the loss of a loved one.
Anticipatory grief is like looking ahead at death, while conventional grief looks back. Anticipatory grief can be even more difficult to bear because there’s always that small glimmer of hope that your loved one might get better or win their fight against their illness. Conventional grief is about coming to terms with the reality that they’re no longer here, leaving you to find a new way to carry their memory with you.
What emotions might you feel with anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief can trigger a range of different emotions, many of which come and go depending on your loved one’s condition on any given day. You might feel:
- Anger
- Unease
- Anxiety
- Denial or general resistance to reality
- Guilt or remorse
- Dread
- Depression
- Loneliness
- Sadness or despair
- The need to be alone
- An urge to be around the dying person at all times
Anticipatory grief can be incredibly exhausting, especially if your loved one has been battling an illness for a long time. The constant cycle of worry and anticipation becomes a huge part of your daily life, making it difficult to focus on work, family and other commitments.
You may also find yourself postponing birthdays, celebrations and holidays while you wait for your loved one to pass. While this is normal with anticipatory grief, it can make feelings of guilt much worse.
How to support yourself through anticipatory grief
If you’re struggling with anticipatory grief, there are groups and forums you can turn to for support – like this one from MacMilian Cancer Support. You may find comfort from posting in the different support groups and talking to members who are going through the same thing.
Here are some other ways you can support yourself through anticipatory grief:
Acknowledge how you’re feeling
It’s natural to try and bottle your emotions when trying to cope with anticipatory grief. You may find it hard to talk about the prospect of a loved one dying, causing you to feel isolated and alone. There’s also the constant worry of when it might happen.
Instead of trying to face things by yourself, acknowledge how you’re feeling and seek support from friends and family who are going through the same experience. You can also get help by clicking on this Cruse Signposting Information Booklet produced by bereavement charity Cruse with information on many different support organisations. Remember – you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Have the difficult conversations early
As challenging as it may be, having those difficult conversations with your loved one before they pass can save you unnecessary stress and heartache in the future. Speaking to them about their funeral wishes and end-of-life arrangements will not only prepare you for what lies ahead, but also ensures their wishes are respected.
This open and honest communication can bring a sense of peace during an emotionally tough time, allowing you to focus on providing the love and support your loved one needs as they approach the end of their life. If you need guidance, our experienced team can help talk you through your options.
Say goodbye to your loved one
While it’s difficult to accept that your loved one will one day no longer be here, saying goodbye will help bring a sense of peace when the time comes. Take time to reflect on precious moments you’ve shared and take comfort from knowing that your loved one will pass knowing how deeply they are loved and cherished. If you’re loved one feels up to it, you may also want to visit places that are special to you both.
Take time for yourself
You might not feel up to it, but now’s the time to take care of yourself. Simple things like running a bath, reading a book and enjoying a nice meal can help bring a sense of normality to your life – even if only for an hour or two.
When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. We offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is FREE for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park. Book your space at your nearest Park today.
Christmas is a time of joy, celebration and spending time with loved ones. But for those dealing with a loss, it’s a time tinged with sadness. Christmas can bring grief to the forefront, serving as a painful reminder of the people who are no longer with us. Even if the death occurred many years ago, it’s important to understand how to support someone through their grief at Christmas so that they know they have someone to lean on should they need a friendly ear.
This blog will give you advice on what to say and what to do to help those who struggle with their grief at Christmas.
Don’t avoid speaking about Christmas
It’s natural to avoid speaking about Christmas if you don’t know how to approach the subject. But this can make the person who’s grieving feel more alone. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge that it will be a difficult time and that you’re always there for the person if they need support.
If you plan to send a Christmas card, write a message from the heart. Name the person who died and share a memory to help ease the pain. You may even raise a smile.
Reach out
While you’ve undoubtedly got a million things to think about before Christmas day, set aside some time to reach out to your friend or relative. A simple text or phone call can go a long way in making them feel less isolated when everyone around them is busy gearing up for the big day. Ask them how they’re feeling and allow them to speak about their loss if they feel up to it.
Try not to leave it too long in between texts. It’s easy to read a message and forget about it, intending to reply when you’re less busy. But keep the conversation going as long as your friend or family member needs.
Listen without interrupting
Those dealing with grief often find it hard to open up during the Christmas period. When everyone else is having fun going to Christmas parties and listening to festive music, they keep feelings bottled up to avoid bringing the mood down. Unfortunately, this ends up leaving their grief feeling far worse.
It’s important to offer your friend or relative the opportunity to get their emotions out. Allow the person grieving to speak about their feelings by creating a safe space for them to open up as honestly as they want to. Don’t interrupt, make comparisons or offer unwarranted advice. Simply make a cup of tea, provide the mince pies and lend a tentative ear.
Extend an invitation but support their choice
Christmas can be a lonely time for those suffering a loss. While your friend or family member may not be up for the festivities this year, extend an invitation so they know they’re welcome. It may be that they’d rather be on their own, but they’re bound to appreciate the thoughtful gesture, nonetheless. Likewise, if they choose to decline, respect their decision and try again the following year.
Christmas often loses its shine after a loss – at least in the immediate aftermath. Many people prefer to treat the 25th of December like any other day while they try to cope with their grief.
Offer help
If your friend or relative chooses to celebrate Christmas, offer to help them wrap gifts, prepare food or pick up last-minute stocking fillers. When people struggle, they tend to carry on regardless. The offer of help could be the thing they need to get through the festive period intact. Even if they don’t take you up on it, it’s a kind and thoughtful thing to do.
Keep the conversation going after Christmas
Grief is ongoing. Even when Christmas is over and done with, your friend or relative still has to deal with the tidal wave of emotions as time goes on. Remember to keep checking in on them beyond Christmas. It’s true that the festive period can be the most painful time, but grief is far from linear. They will appreciate your love and support, regardless of the season.
If you’re suffering from grief this Christmas or you know someone who is, you’re welcome to join us at your local GreenAcres Living Memorial Park for our Christmas Remembrance Service. Whether this is your first Christmas without this special person or the time of year that makes the memories that little bit harder, our Christmas Remembrance Service can be a lovely way to spend time reflecting.
It may also help to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our GreenAcres Bereavement Cafés, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.
Getting through Christmas after a bereavement is difficult enough without having to cope with New Year celebrations, too. While most of us look forward a fresh start with excitement about what’s to come, those suffering from grief are often left reflecting on happier times.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or daunted about the prospect of a new year without the person you lost, we’ve got advice on how to cope. Read on for more.
Give yourself some time to rest
Whether you celebrated Christmas or decided to give the festivities a miss, the build-up is still a chaotic time. Coupled with the exhaustion of grief, it’s more important than ever that you give yourself enough time to recover – both mentally and physically.
That doesn’t mean you have to slow down or stop what you’re doing altogether – you just need to take some time to rebuild. Eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, enjoy some light exercise and, most importantly, try not to pack your social calendar with too many activities. That way, you’re not putting yourself under too much pressure to get back to some kind of normality before you’re ready.
Reach out to friends and family
It’s not always easy to talk to friends and family about grief, but sharing memories about your loved one can help bring a sense of closure. Talking to those that knew the deceased can also make the loss feel slightly less overwhelming. Ignoring your grief will only worsen the pain, causing you to go into the new year with an uphill battle to climb.
This New Year, you might like to swap the celebrations for a night in sharing fond memories with your loved ones. And if you’re feeling up to it, why not raise a toast to the person who passed?
Attend a support group
When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. Our Bereavement Cafés offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team, along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is free for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park – just turn up at an event that suits you.
We’re hosting plenty of other grief events over the next year, too, so feel free to get involved as often as you like.
Be brave and try something new
Bereavement is a difficult process to go through, but dealing with a loss also brings new beginnings. If you’re feeling brave, why not use this opportunity to try something you’ve never done before? You could take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to do, or join a community – like a book club or walking group. Many of our Bereavement Café attendees say that while building new connections is scary, meeting like-minded people can be a positive experience.
Live one day at a time
Instead of looking too far into the new year, take each day as it comes. We’re all guilty of putting too much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, make plans and chase self-improvement on January 1st. But when coping with grief, this only adds to the suffering.
This year, ditch the New Year’s resolutions and switch your focus to self-care. You could pick up a good book, indulge in your favourite hobby or complete a new skincare routine. If you do want to make a couple of resolutions, however, make them achievable and don’t worry if you need to abandon them later on down the line.
Don’t feel guilty about saying no
As you go into a new year, keep reminding yourself it’s okay to say no. If you’re invited out but don’t feel like going, you don’t need to feel guilty for turning the invite down. Instead, it’s important that you take life at a pace you’re comfortable with, which may involve spending some time on your own to grieve.
Try meditation
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed at any point during the new year, why not try some easy 5-minute meditation techniques? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t meditated before – just use your instincts to guide you. These steps will help get you started:
- Place some cushions on the floor and lie on your back. Close your eyes and start breathing in and out slowly, becoming attuned to your body.
- As soon as you’re ready, imagine you’re rising above yourself and looking down.
- Pay close attention to everything you’re feeling at that moment. Allow the thoughts and feelings to progress, even if they don’t make sense.
- Then, centre your thoughts back to your breathing. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. Keep taking deep breaths in and out. Stay like this for a few minutes – or longer, if you need it.
- When you’re ready, imagine yourself returning to your body and slowly open your eyes. Give yourself a few seconds to adjust before attempting to get up.
At GreenAcres Living Memorial Parks, you’re never alone. You can find a range of helpful blog posts to guide you through your grief on our website.
You’ll also find a wealth of resources over on The Grief Channel. The Grief Channel is dedicated to normalising conversations around grief, death and dying. Grief can be incredibly tough, but is a natural part of life and can be transformative, instead of being something to be feared and locked away. Their mission is to share knowledge and stories that people can relate to, and to provide solace and support.
Listening to other people’s experiences can be a real comfort, too – particularly if you’re struggling to focus. Cruse Bereavement Group has put together a list of podcasts to help with grief and loss. It covers everything, from insightful interviews to funny discussions with comedians.
Christmas is a holiday synonymous with joy, togetherness and celebration. But amidst the twinkling lights and festive cheer, the festive season can amplify the ache of no longer having loved ones around. After a loss, you may feel guilty about celebrating Christmas with surviving friends and family. While these emotions are unlikely to fade away in the run-up to Christmas, it’s important that you find a path that honours your grief and allows you to embrace moments of joy.
We recognise that grief is different for everyone, so this blog will guide you through the mixed emotions you may feel throughout the Christmas season.
Should I celebrate Christmas?
Deciding whether to celebrate Christmas after a loved one dies is a deeply personal choice based on your emotions and individual circumstances. Some find comfort in upholding traditions, using them to honour and cherish the memories of loved ones who are no longer around. Others may choose to bypass the celebrations to try and come to terms with their loss through quiet reflection.
There’s no right or wrong answer. Choosing whether to celebrate Christmas or not is all about honouring your feelings and respecting the journey you are on with your grief, regardless of what other people may think.
How to navigate Christmas after someone dies
After the loss of a loved one, Christmas Day is likely to look and feel very different from your usual celebration. That’s not to say you can’t enjoy the day, but pre-empting the difficult moments will help you be more prepared. Here are some tips on how you can guide yourself through the festive season:
Share your plans with loved ones
Your friends and family are bound to be concerned about you spending time alone, so it’s a good idea to inform them about your Christmas plans in advance. The thought of being around a large group of people may be too overwhelming for you as you work through your grief. That’s completely normal, but letting your loved ones know ahead of time will help ease their concerns and allow them to offer support in a way that respects your needs.
Similarly, if you want to join in with the celebrations, inform your friends and family so they can include you in their plans. They’ll be more than happy to have you there, even if you can only manage an hour or two in company.
Embrace new traditions
If you find yourself feeling indifferent, resentful or apathetic towards your festive traditions, you might want to celebrate Christmas slightly differently. Traditions you once shared with the person you lost can trigger feelings of sadness and grief, making it feel like the festive period is something you need to get through instead of enjoying. If so, introducing new traditions and festivities may help you move through your grief.
Alternatively, you may find comfort in keeping the same traditions. Don’t feel guilty about doing the things that bring you joy throughout the festive season. If you feel up to it, put up your decorations, bake your favourite Christmas treats and watch your beloved festive films. No one will think any differently of you for finding happiness in the things that bring you comfort.
Leave a seat at the table for your loved one
After the death of a loved one, you may be faced with an empty chair at the dinner table. Instead of seeing a vacant space, try to focus on what the chair represents. Your loved one may no longer be around, but their seat at the table symbolises love, memories and the special moments you shared when they were alive. You may also want to light a candle or put a picture of your loved one in front of their seat to bring them into your Christmas celebration.
As you gather with your family and friends this Christmas, raise a glass to your loved one. They’ll be with you in spirit.
Try something new
Some of our families take comfort from trying something completely different at Christmas. If you don’t feel up to celebrating the festivities in your usual way, you could take the opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted – like going on holiday or spending a few days away from home.
Don’t be afraid of the tears
When Christmas arrives, you may shed a tear or two. It’s natural to bottle up your feelings in fear of putting a dampener on celebrations, but tears are never a negative thing. Crying is healthy and completely normal, especially at Christmas. Your loved ones will understand and will be there to put their supportive arm around your shoulder.
Our monthly Bereavement Cafés are held within the beautiful landscapes of our Parks where you can feel the uplifting and healing power of nature around you. You will find a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. Find out more here.
If you have a loved one who’s grieving and needs support this Christmas, read our blog for advice on what to say and do.