How You Can Support A Loved One Grieving On Mother’s Day

Celebrating Mother’s Day might not have been something you gave a second thought to in years gone by. You may have simply bought your mum a card, ordered some flowers and taken her out to lunch, spoiling her for the hard work she put into taking care of you for all those years. 

However, anyone who has lost their mum knows that Mother’s Day is another date in the calendar when their grief hits hard, reminding them of their loss and the absence of one of the most important people in their lives.

This year, Mother’s Day falls on March 15th, so if you know someone who might find it a difficult experience to navigate, here are some tips on how you can support them with their grief.

– Be there to talk to

Your friend or relative might not want to bring up the topic, but try not to avoid it. Mother’s Day can be extremely painful, especially when seeing other people still being able to celebrate it with their mum. 

Remind your loved one that you are there for them when they need someone to talk to, and you can sit with them in their grief, offer them a distraction, or provide practical help, depending on how they want to handle the day.

Some people might feel regret at not having spent more time with their mother, or not having been able to help them more when they were alive. 

Charity Sue Ryder encourages bereaved people to talk about all their feelings, even the ones they may be tempted to push aside, saying: “Focus on the time you did have and how special that was for you both.”

– Share special memories

For some people, dealing with the feelings of grief is so painful that they want to avoid it altogether, ignoring the day entirely. 

While losing someone close to you is heartbreaking, it is important to sit with those hard feelings, whether it’s sadness, anger, denial, guilt, blame, or relief, in order to process them.

If they feel like they can talk about memories of their mum, invite them to do so and share your own as well. You could look back at photos, reminisce about old stories, laugh at anecdotes or flick through scrapbooks. 

Watch her favourite TV show together, cook her best dish, go to her favourite restaurant, or visit her most loved place. Small familiar moments like these can offer a quiet way to remember her.

– Hold a remembrance event

While some people might want to ignore the day completely, others may wish to use this as an opportunity to remember their mother. 

You could help your friend to hold a remembrance event, whether this is just the two of you lighting a candle in her honour, or gathering family around for a little memorial. 

There are many things you could do to remember a loved one, from planting trees, visiting their burial plot, or raising a toast to her. 

GreenAcres also holds a Mother’s Day Remembrance event, which gives people the chance to light a candle and tie a memorial heart on the Remembrance Tree, reflecting on their loss and cherishing the special memories they have of their mum. 

– Offer a distraction if they want

Some people may want to be alone on Mother’s Day, but it is worth offering to be around, whether that is to be part of their remembrance event or to distract the bereaved party. 

You could go for a walk with them, watch a movie, have a coffee, or take them out for lunch. They might feel comfortable enough in those moments to share their thoughts with you. 

Simply being present in whatever way feels right can make the day feel less isolating. 

– Check in afterwards

Do not forget to check in on your loved one after Mother’s Day has been and gone. While they might prepare for the influx of grief on the day itself, they may not be ready to experience the waves of emotions in the days or weeks surrounding it. 

A simple message, coming around when they don’t expect it, or asking them how they are feeling is enough to show that you are thinking of them. 

– Get them to reach out

If they are really struggling with their grief, they may need to talk to a professional about their feelings. 

Encourage them to reach out to someone who can help them, whether that’s by seeing their GP, getting support from a charity, or speaking to other people in the same boat at GreenAcres Bereavement Cafes.

Losing someone can take a long time to adjust to, so it is important to give grief the respect it deserves and take it one day at a time.