Death comes to us all, but end-of-life planning is a discussion that most of us try to avoid. Advanced planning involves making thoughtful decisions about your final arrangements before they’re needed, sparing loved ones from difficult decisions during their time of grief. 

While these conversations are difficult and uncomfortable, they provide an opportunity for you to express your wishes, ease financial and emotional burdens, and create space for heartfelt goodbyes ahead of time. Advanced planning also allows you to consider every detail about your send-off – including how and where you’d like to be buried. 

This blog offers helpful advice on how you can initiate these challenging discussions with your friends and family. By addressing your plans and wishes before your death, you can turn an emotionally charged and potentially upsetting process into an act of love, care and compassion for those who matter the most. 

What are the benefits of end-of-life planning?

End-of-life planning is a beneficial process for both you and your loved ones. Here are some of the positive outcomes of being prepared before you die:  

• You can take the emotional and financial burden away from your family during a difficult time 

• You can pay for your service and plot in advance, tying up financial loose ends 

• You can plan the exact type of funeral and memorial service you want and also have control over how you’d like to be remembered 

• You can assign power of attorney to someone you trust should you be unable to make decisions in later life 

• You can update your will to reflect your wishes, ensuring they’re respected and followed 

• You’ll be able to select your final resting place or memorial 

Above all else, you’ll gain peace of mind that your wishes will be honoured in the way you intended, with your legacy living on long after your death.  

How to have difficult conversations about advanced planning

Create the right environment

It’s very important to create the right setting. This won’t be an easy conversation, so choose a quiet, private space where everyone feels comfortable and able to freely express their feelings. Avoid bringing up the topic of advanced planning during holidays or family celebrations. Instead, find a time when everyone is relatively relaxed and not distracted by other events. Plus, having these talks in person rather than over the phone allows you to read body language and respond to emotional cues more effectively. 

Depending on your family dynamics, you should think about who you’d like to include in the conversation. You should also consider whether to approach the topic one-on-one or involve multiple family members all at once.  

Start the conversation

Beginning discussions about end-of-life planning requires a level of sensitivity. Rather than announcing, “We need to talk about what I want to happen when I die,” try less direct approaches such as: 

• “I’ve been thinking about updating my will, and I realised we’ve never discussed my wishes for when I die.” 

• “I read an article about how planning ahead can really help families during difficult times. What are your thoughts on this?” 

• “After attending [Name’s] funeral, I realised I would want some things done differently. I’d like to share my thoughts with you about what I’d like at my funeral.” 

Approaching the idea of end-of-life planning carefully and sensitively helps turn what could be a morbid discussion into a gentler, more productive conversation that everyone benefits from. 

Address emotional resistance 

It’s natural for loved ones to resist these difficult conversations. Some common responses include:  

• Deflection: “We don’t need to talk about that now.” 

• Denial: “That’s so far away.” 

• Discomfort: “I really don’t want to think about this.” 

 When faced with resistance, acknowledge their feelings: “I understand this is uncomfortable, and I find it difficult too.” Explain that these discussions are ultimately about supporting each other and honouring your wishes.  

 Sometimes, sharing why advanced planning matters to you personally can help break through resistance: “It would give me peace of mind to know we’ve discussed this together before I die.” If someone becomes visibly upset, it’s okay to pause and continue the conversation another time. 

Try to move beyond the taboo

Our collective reluctance to discuss death and what happens afterwards often stems from superstition, fear or a lack of understanding on how to start the conversation. To move past these barriers: 

• Normalise the conversation by sharing stories of others who have benefited from advanced planning. This could be from someone you know or an article you read about someone who’s been through the same thing 

• Use neutral, straightforward language rather than euphemisms. This helps keep the conversation clear and concise, allowing your wishes to be fully understood 

• Acknowledge that planning doesn’t quicken death but simply prepares everyone for an inevitable life change 

• Focus on how planning benefits those left behind rather than dwelling on the idea of death 

Remember that breaking taboos often requires multiple conversations, so you may need to sit down often with loved ones to have your wishes heard. Similarly, don’t rush or pressure your friends and family to have conversations they’re not ready to have. Lay the foundations and work at a pace you’re all comfortable with.  

Document your wishes clearly 

When having conversations about advanced planning, make a physical note of key decisions. Include clear details on: 

• Your preferences for a burial, cremation or even a donation to medical science 

• Where you’d like to be buried 

• The type of memorial service you’d like to have 

• Whether your service should follow religious or cultural traditions 

• Which readings, music or tributes you’d like to have 

• Budget considerations and payment arrangements 

Rather than relying on memory, create written or typed records of your wishes. You might even benefit from speaking with a funeral director to help with the more complicated aspects of advanced planning.  

Be mindful of financial implications

The financial aspects of funeral planning can be daunting for both you and your family. When discussing costs: 

• Present information factually, with all the prices laid out clearly and hidden costs factored in

• Acknowledge that financial decisions are personal and reflect different values

• Discuss pre-payment options and their benefits and drawbacks

• Be transparent about who will be responsible for various costs when you die

Paying for your funeral or burial plot in advance will alleviate the financial burden on your loved ones. However, this isn’t possible for every family. Speaking openly and honestly about the true state of your finances and what may need to be covered in the future means everyone will be prepared ahead of time.  

End-of-life planning requires several key components. Read our simple step-by-step guide on what to consider when pre-planning your funeral and learn why it’s a beneficial process for you and your loved ones.  

 

Father’s Day is supposed to be day of celebration, but for children who have lost their dad or father figure, it’s a painful reminder of their absence. While others are making cards and planning special moments, grieving children may feel isolated, confused or even overwhelmed by emotions they don’t yet know how to process – even if it’s been several years since their dad died. 

As caregivers, educators and supporters, it’s important that we create enough space this Father’s Day for children to process and express their feelings. This blog explores ways in which you can offer meaningful support and help grieving children feel seen and heard during a difficult time.  

Recognising the signs of grief in children 

Grief doesn’t always look the same in children as it does in adults. Some become quiet or withdrawn, while others act out or become angry. Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite or sudden emotional outbursts can all be signs of suppressed grief. Other signs of grief in children include: 

• Experience extreme emotions, such as crying one moment and playing the next 

• Refusing to talk about their feelings 

• Wanting to get into an adult’s bed 

• Displaying regressive behaviours, like bed-wetting or thumb sucking 

• Having nightmares 

Being aware of these signals can help you respond with empathy rather than discipline or dismissal. 

How to support grieving children on Father’s Day

Finding ways to navigate grief doesn’t have to mean ignoring or forgetting about the person who died. This is especially true of someone as important as a beloved father. Your children might take comfort from doing something their dad loved – such as listening to his favourite album, baking his favourite cake or watching his favourite film.  

Father’s Day is also the perfect opportunity to spend some time doing an activity their dad enjoyed. Every dad is different, but this could be golfing, walking along the beach or going to the cinema. 

Create a safe space for expression 

Encouraging children to talk about their feelings without pressure is essential. This could mean setting aside quiet time to reflect on precious memories, asking them to draw how they’re feeling or simply being present and ready to listen whenever they want to talk. Some children may not have the words to say, “I’m sad” or “I miss him,”. Non-verbal expression therefore sometimes feels safer, especially for younger children who may not have the words to articulate complex emotions. Some examples include: 

• Drawing a picture of a special memory they have of their dad 

• Using colours to represent how they’re feeling inside 

• Playing with toys to act out feelings or scenarios 

• Writing a letter to their dad, read our blog on writing letters to a loved one

• Building something with blocks or clay to represent a memory or feeling 

• Music or dance, where they move in ways that reflect their mood 

These creative outlets help children process grief, which can be especially helpful for younger kids who don’t quite understand death or those who struggle to talk about loss. 

Find ways to honour Dad

Helping your children find ways to remember and celebrate their dad can bring a lot of comfort – especially on Father’s Day. Simple ideas include creating a memory box, lighting a candle, planting something in Dad’s honour or sharing stories and happy memories as a family. This experience helps children maintain a connection to their dad in a way that feels comforting instead of overwhelmingly sad and upsetting. 

Talk about Dad 

When someone as important as a father passes away, it’s natural for children to avoid talking about him. The pain is often too overwhelming. But gently encouraging them to share memories or speak about their dad can help keep his presence and spirit alive. These conversations, even when they lead to tough questions about his death, are an important part of the healing process. By talking openly about loss, we help children understand that grief is a natural process and that remembering their dad as he lived, not just as someone who died, is a meaningful way to keep his memory close to them. 

Write a Father’s Day card

Some schools and nurseries hold card-making activities in the run-up to Father’s Day. This can be a tough experience for children who have just lost their dad, but it can also be a lovely way for them to honour them. The card can form part of a memory box – or you can even place it next to a lit candle as a way to remember him on the day. You could also place it on the fridge via a magnet to raise a smile whenever you go about your normal routine. 

Join us

Many children and young adults find comfort and guidance from people they already know and trust. However, if your child needs additional support around the topic of death, Child Bereavement UK has several resources that can help them cope and understand, including short animated films, books and resources, helplines and even face-to-face support.  

On Sunday June 15^th, join us in your local Park for our annual Father’s Day Event, where you’ll have the opportunity to remember and reflect in the beauty of our nature-rich surroundings. Everyone is welcome!  

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As we approach Father’s Day, we are reminded of loved ones who are no longer with us. Whether you’ve lost a child or a significant father figure in your life, Father’s Day is a time to cherish those memories we hold dear. Sadly, it can also be a day tinged with grief and sadness, where even the smallest things serve as reminders of those who are no longer with us. 

If you’re attempting to come to terms with a loss this Father’s Day or want to try and work through some complicated thoughts and feelings, you might find writing a letter helps with the grieving process. Writing a letter isn’t easy, so we’ve got some tips and advice on how to approach it, along with some ideas on things you might want to include. 

Find a quiet, comfortable space 

Before you put pen to paper, you’ll benefit from finding a quiet, comfortable spot to write in where you won’t be distracted or interrupted. To help with the writing process, you might want to change into your comfiest clothes, brew yourself a cup of tea and throw on a blanket to keep you warm – anything that makes you feel relaxed.  

You might also want to place a photo of your father or father figure nearby to help remind yourself of why you’re writing the letter. Have some tissues to hand, too, as letter writing can be an emotional experience. 

Grab a notebook and a nice pen or pencil 

You could craft your letter using your laptop, computer, or smartphone, but you’ll find using a nice pen or pencil and a notebook creates a much more personal experience and helps you connect more closely to the words. Gel or ballpoint pens are designed to glide across the paper, producing a smooth and pleasant writing experience.  

What to write in your letter 

Your letter is your opportunity to reflect on precious memories and keep your loved one’s spirit alive. It’s also your chance to say goodbye. The best advice we have is to let the words come naturally. Try not to force your thoughts or overthink the content. It might take you a while to get started, but once you do, you might find the words come easier than you think.  

Here are some things you might want to include: 

• Special memories 

• Things you wish you’d said to your loved one when they were still alive 

• Things you miss about them and how much you miss them 

• Events or occasions that have happened since their passing 

• Updates in your life that you want to share with them 

• What you’ll remember about them 

• How they touched your life 

• How you feel about their death in the moment of writing 

Say goodbye 

If it feels right, remember to include a goodbye at the end of the letter. This won’t be easy, but it may help to give you closure. Saying goodbye can also be cathartic, giving you space to start moving on with your life.  

Your goodbye doesn’t need to be definitive. Your message could be something as simple as “I’ll see you soon” or “Until we meet again”. Dr. Suess famously wrote, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Many people take comfort from this sentiment – perhaps you will, too.  

What to do to the letter afterwards 

Once you’ve written your letter, you’ll need to decide what to do with it. You might want to put it in a special memory box related to your loved one. Or you could seal it in an envelope and keep it somewhere safe. If you’re writing the letter before the funeral, you may want to speak to your funeral director about leaving it with your loved one. They’ll be more than happy to accommodate your wishes as best they can.

Whatever you decide, make sure you do what feels right. Your instincts will guide you if you don’t have the answer straight away.   

Join us

In honour of your father or father figure’s enduring presence in our lives, we welcome you to join us for our special Father’s Day event, where you will have the opportunity to remember and reflect, light a candle and tie a memorial heart on our remembrance tree. 

Everyone is welcome! Find your nearest Father’s Day Remembrance event here.  

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Event Overview

As Father’s Day approaches, we remember loved ones no longer with us. Whether it’s a dad, father figure or child, it’s a time to reflect on precious memories.

In honour of their presence, we welcome you to join us for our special Remembrance Service, where you can light a candle and tie a memorial tag on our Remembrance Tree.

Booking is advised.

Refreshments will be served. Everyone welcome!

Event Overview

As Father’s Day approaches, we remember loved ones no longer with us. Whether it’s a dad, father figure or child, it’s a time to reflect on precious memories.

In honour of their presence, we welcome you to join us for our special Remembrance Service, where you can light a candle and tie a memorial tag on our Remembrance Tree.

Booking is advised.

Refreshments will be served. Everyone welcome!

Event Overview

As Father’s Day approaches, we remember loved ones no longer
with us. Whether it’s a dad, father figure or child, it’s a time to reflect on precious memories.

In honour of their presence, we invite you to our Open House, where you can light a candle and tie a memorial tag on our Remembrance Tree.

No booking required.

Refreshments will be served and everyone is welcome!